Yao Ming is a dwarf; Kennedy endorses Cape Wind; China frees Tibet; Detroit admits evils

Finally, a day when all the news is good
Pessimists protest era of joy and happiness

By Carl B. Freeman

"Well, that's the copy the Alliance had given me, when have they ever been wrong?"
                - Patrick Cassidy

This just in, Yao Ming has been shrunk to just less than 8 inches tall & has been seen walking around in power cables off the Cape & Islands.

When Cape Cod Times reporter Patrick Cassidy was asked to confirm his story, he only remarked "Well, that's the copy the Alliance had given me, when have they ever been wrong?"

And in other news today on Cape Cod, Ted Kennedy admits "Wind Farms really ARE good for America, I've been a fool to hold up such a significant change of energy policy based on vanity. I guess I really have been prejudiced against wind power for no good reason."

"I guess I really have been prejudiced against Cape Wind for no good reason." - Ted Kennedy

This just in from China, the ruling party declares their decades long oppression of Tibet a huge mistake, vows to make up for their terrible actions immediately.

Now from Detroit, the big 3 in a joint statement admit "Yes, its true, we've been fighting MPG and emission standards for years because big oil doesn't want to lose such a huge market. And yes, we did conspire with them to kill the electric car. Our bad.\

If only the people guilty of terrible wrongs, would admit their corruption instead of dragging the world down with them, then we wouldn't have to write this on April Fool's Day.

"Twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern."
Monster Transmission cables meet World's Biggest Hailstone

  Hail the size BASKETBALLS!

Keep those umbrellas and hard hats ready for a day of showers and possible hail... read the Cape Cod Times story on Monday.
   Yes, The Times really does have a "basketball fixation." Two days after their 8-foot high transmission cable story with 7-foot, 6-inch NBA basketball player Yao Ming standing alongside it, they told us of hailstones as big as basketballs which are 30.7 inches in circumference and just under 10 inches high, yet the largest hailstone ever seen in North Ameria was 7 inches,  see here.

What's that you say? The Times has shown the power cables for the wind farm will be the largest in history?

There's a study being done to show the harm these cables could do? Oh my, every year this project sounds worse and worse!

There is an old saying, "Twice is a coincidence, three times is a pattern."

Actually I think we're on six, seven, maybe eight significant false images planted into Cape Codders' imaginations by the Cape Cod Times over the seven year history of the Cape Wind project.

I suspect that about half The Times readers will read the inevitable retractions, which still leaves the other half to believe the distortion of nearly 8 foot tall power cables. Cape Wind Communicatiopn Director Mark Rogder says "I fully expect that a year from today some reporter will ask me about our 8-foot high cable."

Monster Cables! Frozen Basketballs!

Two days after its "Monster Transmission Cable" alarm, The Times reported a storm with "Hail the size of Basketballs!"

I don't know what they may be adding to the coffee pot in the newsroom, but stories like these conjure up memories of Timothy Leary and LSD.

Either than, or the reporters have a serious "basketball fixation."

I guess if I were going to smear something, that would be the perfect plan, I would just need a complicit newspaper to go along with such absurd assertions.

Carl Freeman

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