Scott Brown?s Fairy Tales

The flies in ScottBrown’s Fairy Dust
Wicked stepfather, trading loincloth for a barn coat & Coakley


Cosmo centerfold that featured pubic hair and, as one politician said, "When you're a senator, the pubic line is one you just can't cross."

SenatorScott Brown’s life exemplifies more than one fairy tale come true. He rose from an underprivileged, allegedly abusive upbringing to graduate TuftsUniversity and later Boston College Law School. 

In 1982 he brokered hisgood looks for a $1,000 centerfold gig with Cosmopolitan magazine, thegateway to his 1980’s “career” as a model both in Boston andNew York. 

Later on he traded his loincloth and wild nights at Studio 54 for the now-famous barn coat and pickup truck that drove him to the UnitedStates Senate seat left vacant upon the death of Edward M. Kennedy.

Howmany of us get to experience even one fairy tale fantasies in our lives, letalone three?

#1 Fairy Tale: Political Cinderfella's "wicked stepfather"

Asalways, the devil’s in the details.  Larry McShane, the“wicked stepfather” of the first fairy tale, called Brown’saccount of those years “95 percent lies”.  The senator, ofcourse, denied McShane’s assertion and described his time with McShane as“a small part of my life but not the only part.” 

Anotherfly in the fairy dust is Brown’s claim that he was molested whileattending a Cape Cod Christian summer camp which the media learned was CampGood News in Sandwich.  Brown turned a deaf ear to the public’sdemand that he name his tormentor, leaving a respected Cape institution withits sterling reputation damaged and no way to defend itself.  Others whoattended the camp during that era deny there was a molester prowling the restrooms.  Nobody knows for certain but his refusal to expose a pedophile hascost Brown dearly here on Cape Cod.


From loincloth to barn coat to the US Senate, but isn't his smile a little forced these days?

#2: Cocaine & Nudity vs. Guns & Religion"

Brown’sbook also brings out some details of his licentious lifestyle in 1980’sNew York City.  His accounts of “piles of cocaine” and CalvinKlein’s attempt to rip off his shirt make for juicy reading, to be sure.However his career as Cosmo model and playboy don’t wear so well with hismore conservative constituents.  His “guns and religion”supporters on the far right like their senators vanilla – or at leastfully clothed.

#3: Coakley's flaccid campaign

Thethird fairy tale surprised the whole nation.  Many of our Republicanfriends chuckled when they heard Brown was running for against Martha Coakleyfor the “Kennedy seat” when he first emerged. “Isn’t that the Cosmo centerfold?” chuckled one of ourconservative friends, “I guess the party had to come up with someoneto be the sacrificial lamb.” 

Littledid anyone realize that Coakley would run the most flaccid campaign in history,forever earning her a place on the Democratic party’s Wall ofShame.  Little did we realize that Massachusetts’ generally liberalvoters were fed up with President Obama and his Washington cronies.  Thenation gasped in surprise as Brown moved up in the polls, and the President himselfflew in to offer Coakley last minute support which only managed to alert voters to her distress level.

The White House some day, but Orleans and Osterville tomorrow


Protesters are expected to greet Brown in Orleans tomorrow, and maybe they'll wear these bracelets.

Sonow we call him Senator Brown.  Some of the more wild-eyed Republicansstarted talking about parallels between Brown’s meteoric rise to thenational scene and the similar rise of an Illinois state senator named BarackObama.  Blinking over their martinis they asked themselves ifBrown could be cut from presidential timber. 

Thefar right purports to hate libertines.  So how to explain Brown’s teenage foibles and hi-jinks in his twenties?  His centerfold, thoughmodest by today’s standards, presented a hairy problem for those tryingto package Scott Brown for higher office.

Theproblem is, how do you reconcile the shoplifting, centerfold posing Scott Brownof the 1980’s with the barn-coated family man of the 2010’s? How ‘bout he writes a book about his troubled childhood, replete withabusive stepfathers and the poison apple that he was molested?  Surelythat would explain his bad behavior later on!  After all, he’s avictim, right?  He’s entitled to a few passes for bad behavior alongthe way, right?

Someof the most conservative Cape Cod Today readers – and, yes, some realright wing stalwarts read this news site – feel that this book was timedto explain away Brown’s foibles and get them out of the headlines beforehe faces an strong electoral challenge in 2012 and perhaps to prepare him torun for national office in the future.

CapeCodders are well known for their Yankee common sense and they’re notbuying Brown’s story.  They resent his refusal to name his abuser,they resent the implication that his bad behavior is excused because he wasvictimized and they feel he insults their intelligence with this web ofmisdirection.

ThisSunday Scott Brown will be peddling his book in Orleansand Osterville.  We understand he will remain fully clothed, therewill be no cocaine on the tables and shoplifting absolutely will not betolerated.  He isn’t expected to name his molester but he’llbe happy to take your money for his anthology of fairy tales.

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