Reefer Madness at Sandwich "High" School?
"Wasted Days and Wasted Knights"
By News of the Cape's satirist Cardinal Borgia
Holy Father flipped his mitre this morning when we read the Cape Cod Times story about Tuesday morning's drug sweep at Sandwich High School. According to the Times story the police arrived with drug dogs to sweep the school building and parking lot. Apparently drugs were found in several student vehicles.
Has a plague of "Reefer Madness" been visited upon Sandwich High School? Has God brought down a plague of Weed upon the school because of the teachers' union whining over contract negotiations?
We at the Badican think not! Rather, we wonder if the police have unwittingly discovered the secret of Sandwich High School's high achievement on MCAS and in attaining status as one of the 500 best high schools in the United States.
Yes! Could the kids have been under the influence of marijuana when they took the MCAS? Might they have smoked up before sitting down to take the tests? Those of us who grew up in the 50's and 60's know all too well the mind-altering effects of cannabis. Is this the true secret of success at Sandwich High School?
If it turns out there is a problem with "hard" drugs at Sandwich High School, the town might consider re-purposing the historic Clark-Haddad building as a branch of the fanciful "Walter White Institute".
Whether or not pot smoking was a factor in Sandwich "High" School's outstanding academics, My Eminence hopes the kids will share some of their ganja with that wretched teachers' union before those idiots un-do everything good about the school district.
If nothing else, the new image of a pot-smokin' student body at SHS should help promote the institution as a school choice destination. Holy Father suggests a few marketing slogans:
· At Monomoy, they give you a netbook - or you can come find a whole new "high" in Sandwich
· Wild Summer Knights at Sandwich High
· Get High on Learning in Sandwich
· Sandwich Knights are Smokin' Hot
· Expand your mind at Sandwich High
...and the best one, which can be set to music
· Wasted days and wasted Knights
My Eminence will be delighted to do the invocation at the SHS Class of 2012 graduation if the rumors are true that Cheech and Chong will be the commencement speakers.
Anyone have more suggestions? If any creative artist decides to make a YouTube video of a "Wasted Knights" jingle, please send a link to [email protected]
Blessings to all,
Your devoted Cardinal Borgia.