Bourne Police: Latest "Minion Report"

Early summer rush at the olde inn...

Another "minion" report from the friendly "innkeepers" at the Bourne Police Department:

Good Wednesday morning to everyone out there on the inter-web and beyond. Yes, you heard me right, I did say Wednesday. That’s what happens when you put a holiday at the beginning of the week, not that I’m complaining, but the time just flies by. That means it’s time to check in with the merry minions of the masonry manor at everyone’s favorite seaside B&B.

You can tell summer is just around the corner because business is definitely picking up. I mean, this past weekend even saw record numbers of Atlantic Right whales in Cape Cod Bay, all waiting for their stay at the Inn. It was either that or the trail of shrimp Minion Mel left on his walk back from the beach at lunch. On a serious note, the inn-keepers handled 534 calls for service over the last week. Those calls included 34 different incidents which required dipping the quill in the ink and placing pen to parchment. We also investigated eight motor vehicle oopsies. That is, when one vehicle makes contact with another vehicle or other stationary object and causes an amount of damage over a preset limit. Before you argue, yes you, the guy in the blue suede suit, that limit is determined legislatively, not by us. The lads and ladies in blue also found time to remind folks of the rules of the road 161 times. This is typically done by means of those carbon copied reminder cards folks receive after meeting one of our mobile minions’ roadside.

This past week also saw an early summer rush of folks trying to reserve a room at the inn. I still don’t know if it is the in room commodes or the every fifteen minute room checks, or if it is simply the nearness of the ocean and the soothing breezes imbibed with salt air. With those thoughts in mind, our inn-keepers registered a full 18 new or returning guests. As with all guests, the reasons for their stays all vary. We do see the ever popular rainchecks being used a lot. That is to say, when one misses an appointment at one of our sister resorts or even the district inn, that facility will issue a raincheck valid and redeemable anywhere in the Commonwealth. While this week was no different, the volume of rainchecks was a little light with only four of our guests presenting them. The ones that were presented ran the gamut from improper use of plastic money to sneaking items from the gift shop without paying to sneaking onto the land of another, right past the big orange and black sign that says Keep Out.

While rainchecks are always a nice, convenient way to get a suite here at the inn for all reasons, a lot of our guests this week decided to land a room prior to the summer season by simply checking in. We had one young lady go on a little shopping spree at a local shop. This lady decided she would save the shop a bag by conveniently placing the item she coveted most in her pants. Thankfully a sharp eyed clerk spotted her efforts at conservation and notified the inn. Another guest was cruising around town with the top down, enjoying the summer like weather. Unfortunately for the guest, he forgot that in order to cruise around in said jalopy, one must have a valid license. Thankfully our inn-keepers provide complimentary shuttle service for our guests and we even assist with parking your jalopy in cases such as these. We also saw an increase this week in folks with green thumbs and their efforts to peddle the fruits of their labors. That’s right folks, several of our guests came to us after the mobile minions encountered them trying to sell their illegal fruits and berries and other assorted magical elixirs. Our inn-keepers are trained in ferreting out these items and once found, it usually results in a stay at the inn with the ever popular finger-painting and photo sessions before being whisked off to your room for the evening.

Our guests of the week shout out goes to one of the afore-mentioned farmers who is so familiar, that both he and the mobile inn-keeper were on a first name basis. Upon attracting the attention of the inn-keeper on patrol, it was discovered that the guest had just completed his first sale of the day and hadn’t quite hidden the remainder of his powdered sugar before the officer approached. He was provided a nice set of silver bracelets for his trouble and a suite at the inn. Upon further investigation, the young maiden in the backseat was also found to be in possession of a smaller amount of powdered sugar. She also became guest at the inn for the evening. Well, with the completion of our tales for the week I will wish you adieux. Enjoy what nice weather we see this week and as always, let’s be careful out there. welcomes thoughtful comments and the varied opinions of our readers. We are in no way obligated to post or allow comments that our moderators deem inappropriate. We reserve the right to delete comments we perceive as profane, vulgar, threatening, offensive, racially-biased, homophobic, slanderous, hateful or just plain rude. Commenters may not attack or insult other commenters, readers or writers. Commenters who persist in posting inappropriate comments will be banned from commenting on