The Massachusetts Republican party should run this Classified Ad:
Help wanted: Six-year contract, part-time position, paid health insurance, unlimited expense account and franking privileges if hired for this job.
Candidate must be able to wage a long-shot campaign against an entrenched and mystical 73-year-old, 43-year incumbent. Candidate must be willing to spend a large hunk of own personal fortune to get the job with minimal financial support from National and State GOP.
- Possible launching pad statewide office even if candidate doesn't get this job. (One recent candidate became Governor, one became State Treasurer (on right) and another was and is under a dark cloud.)
- National media exposure.
- Use of Rest Room in the U.S. Senate office building.
- Lunch with Tom Delay and/or Dick Cheney, whichever one is still at large.
The ad will probably not run, at least not in Boston Globe, so the Democratic candidate for the job, Ted Kennedy, has a $7,700,000 campaign chest and no decernable opponent for an eighth six-year term in the U.S. Senate and is the odds-on favorite to continue the Camelot Myth ad nauseum, ad infinitum. As Tim O'Brien, the state Republican party's executive director, said last January, he and other GOP leaders are actively looking for a candidate to run against Kennedy, but admitted they are not having much luck so far. "Finding someone to run against a Kennedy in Massachusetts is a difficult task," he said. To date the only applicant for Ted's job is a one-term Selectman from Wakefield.
The ideal GOP candidate would resemble Joseph Malone, who ran against Ted in 1988 and set himself up for winning the state treasurer's office in 1990. Joe remained Treasurer until 1998 when he gave up the post to run for governor, but lost the Republican nomination to Paul Cellucci. During Malone's term a number of Treasury employees, some of them his friends, defraudedthe Commonwealth. Nothing tied Malone to the crime directly, but his privatizing policies and protection of ranking aides did make the scam easier to pull off.)
Then Mitt Romney run against Kennedy in 1994. The campaign gave him the experience and exposure to run a successful campaign for governor eight years later.
Romney spent $6,000,000 of his own money attempting to oust Kennedy and received national attention when polls showed him running even or slightly ahead of Kennedy at one point in the race.
Then in 2000 the GOP ran Jack E. Robinson whose checkered background got him dropped from the ticket, and this year he was in trouble again for attempting to hide his yacht from a Cape Cod town treasurer.
Maybe next election the state GOP will find a black Morman with a big nose who is loaded.
As John Ullman of The Cape Codder used to say, "a fool and my money are soon parted."