20th Century's best pre-blogger

 H. L. Mencken's Imagined Blog 

HLMIn today's (Sunday, January 1, 2006) New York TIMES, Thomas Vinciguerra imagined what the 20th century's grandest social critic, H.L. Mencken, would have written in a blog.

For lovers of this wonderfully, unreconstructed misanthrope, Mr. Vinciguerra's imagined prose is right on the mark. To get you to read the rest (a one-time registration is required), here are two examples of:

Hank Mencken's 21st. Century Blog

Dec. 12 - The departure of Tookie Williams via intravenous chemical cocktail was less noteworthy than the  brummagem  protests that attended his final days. Williams himself was a malignant nonentity, his switch to the side of the angels while in the San Quentin calaboose an act of sheer opportunism. But on that score he was outmatched by Mike Farrell, Jamie Foxx, Susan Sarandon and the other magnificos who adopted him as their personal cause célèbre while they basked in his spotlight. Ever since the Supreme Court gave these United States the leave to take life, death row has racked up a thousand bodies. Surely a few of them had had moral reawakenings no less fervent than Williams's. Where was the outrage of Hollywood's finest when these malefactors were being dispatched?

Dec. 21 - Elton John has embarked upon wedded bliss with David Furnish, described by acclamation as his "longtime companion." I wish the nominally ambidextrous Mr. John luck. Marriage is among the most purgatorial of states, even under the best of circumstances. Beguiling though women may be, and even useful upon occasion, I would no sooner spend my life with one than surgically probe my own peritoneum. As for the conjugal union of two men, engaging in non-Euclidean sex, I prefer not to contemplate.

Now it's YOUR turn 

I encourage other Mencken-lovers to add your own versions of imagined "posts" in the comment area below. To encourage the incorrigible, I suggest these two verbatim quotes of Mencken's:

Jan. 1- Of all the classes of men, I dislike most those who make their livings by talking - actors, clergymen, politicians, pedagogues, and so on. All of them participate in the shallow false pretenses of the actor who is their archetype. It is almost impossible to imagine a talker who sticks to the facts. Carried away by the sound of his own voice and the applause of the groundlings, he makes inevitably the jump from logic to mere rhetoric.

Jan. 2- College football would be much more interesting if the faculty played instead of the students, and even more interesting if the trustees played. There would be a great increase in broken arms, legs and necks, and  simultaneously an appreciable diminution in the loss to humanity.

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