Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwartzenegger To Split Up

Gorgeous Kennedy spawn and the cement-headed action film star were an odd couple

Cape Cod's high society was all over the news that Maria Shriver and Arnold Schwartzenegger are seperating. Sources tell me it looked sort of like this:

What you got right there, kids, is the best dismissal of a woman on film since Scarlett O'Hara got told to hit the bricks.

The gorgeous Kennedy spawn and the cement-headed action film star were an odd couple, but the marriage lasted 25 years and Shriver never got Terminated. Their marriage saw them become the First Couple of California, as Ahhhnold somehow became Governor in a 1993 recall election.

Shriver is the granddaughter of Rose and Joe Kennedy. Her uncle was JFK. She graduated from Georgetown, and worked as a broadcast journalist for NBC before meeting the star of the Terminator franchise. 

They were married in Hyannis Port, and lived in a secluded Brentwood mansion. Arnold spurned the Governor's residence in hokey Sacramento, instead commuting by private jet. Their marriage lasted 25 years, and produced 4 children.

Again, they were an odd couple. Shriver is from the most liberal family in America. Ahhnold is a hard-line GOP sort. Shriver was raised on mansion-based tea parties, while Ahhhhnold chased Linda Hamilton around and somehow managed to make a Mr. Freeze role look tacky.

Now, as you can tell from my screen name, I have Maria's back in this one. She's family, and you Cape Codders should welcome her back with open arms and heartfelt sympathy if she decides to retire quietly to Hyannis Port.

However, the common man can't be faulted for maybe hoping silently that Ahhhnold dismissed a Kennedy whelp with a one-liner from one of his movies. She could probably smell "You've been terminated" coming from a mile away, but the proper application of "You should not drink uhnd bake" might force her into a satisfying nervous breakdown.

Kennedys breathe rarefied air, and generally look down on people like you and I. Well... you, maybe. A carpenter or a waitress can't be blamed for a smile at the thought of one of them being dispatched with a corny one-liner from a big, musclebound, Austrian dummy. welcomes thoughtful comments and the varied opinions of our readers. We are in no way obligated to post or allow comments that our moderators deem inappropriate. We reserve the right to delete comments we perceive as profane, vulgar, threatening, offensive, racially-biased, homophobic, slanderous, hateful or just plain rude. Commenters may not attack or insult other commenters, readers or writers. Commenters who persist in posting inappropriate comments will be banned from commenting on