With Saddam In The Pen: Hey Kids from Cape Cod to Capistrano, What Time Is It?
By Greg O?BrienCodfish PressViewing a defiant Saddam Hussein, the mother of all morons, as he rebuked the court in Baghdad earlier this week with co-defendants in tow was like watching reruns of Phineas T. Bluster?the grumpy, villainous mayor of Doodyville and Howdy Doody?s nemesis. Mr. Bluster, you may recall, had shaggy eyebrows that shot straight up when he was angered or surprised, and he surrounded himself with dopey accomplices like Dilly Dally, who wiggled his ears when frustrated, and Flub-a-Dub, a combination of eight animals.?Mr. Bluster, Dilly and the Flub-a-Dub gave the impression they could cut their strings, saunter off the stage, and do as they pleased,? creator Bob Smith wrote in ?Howdy and Me.?The semblance is stunning. President Bluster was in full, swaggering harangue before Judge Rizgar Mohammed Amin as he scolded the judge as if he were a headwaiter dishing up lousy service?in this instance, contempt meted at the hands of American military guards on Hussein?s way to the courtroom. Pity Saddam. The poor despot had to walk up four flights of stairs, hands bound, to the court chambers. ?I don?t want you to tell them. Order them!? Hussein bellowed to the judge, demanding his guards display appropriate deference. ?They are foreigners and occupiers. They are invaders.??Kawabonga!? as Chief Thunderthud would say. Time for a spray of seltzer water to chill out Hussein, whose bombastic manner stirred two other co-defendants to bellyache later in the session about detention conditions and their court-appointed counsel. Enter Gabby Hayes in the persona of former U.S. Attorney General Ramsey Clark, permitted to join the defense team as an advisor. What would Saddam and his henchmen do without injudicious liberals to save them from the hell they deserve?Let?s do the math: genocide to the second power equals cushy sleeping quarters, better food, the best defense attorneys money can buy and guards who kiss up to you. Must be new math because the old school says let ?em fry!In the meantime, Howdy Bush and Clarabelle Cheney watch from the bunker, hoping American disdain for Hussein will fuel their spin convoy to stay the course in Iraq. Snubbing talk of ?artificial timetables? for troop withdrawal, President Bush, defiant himself of his nemesis, Mr. Bluster, has declared, ?I will settle for nothing less than complete victory? in Iraq. ?Our tactics are flexible and dynamic?We will stay as long as necessary to complete the mission.?With 160,000 U.S. forces committed to Iraq, more than 2,000 American casualties, close to 16,000 U.S. soldiers injured and no nukes, many of us are confused about the mission. Perhaps we just don?t get it.Stay tuned. There are sure to be more antics before the show is cancelled. Life, as we know, is stranger than fiction.Hey kids, what time is it? Doodyville never looked so good.