By Greg O'Brien, Codfish Press
Sex is no longer a four-letter word. Even a stuffy numerologist knows that. Shattering taboos like they were your grandmother’s fine china, adults into their mid-eighties are enjoying sex, according to a University of Chicago study published in the New England Journal of Medicine last week to orgasmic reviews. “The nationally representative survey of more than 3,000 U.S. adults ages 57 to 85 found that more than half to three-quarters of those questioned remained sexually active, with a significant proportion engaging in frequent and varied sexual behaviors,” The Washington Post reported. Yikes! Must be lots of smirking down at the Council on Aging socials. Praise the Lord, and pass the Viagra.
Sex among seniors, says Stacy Tessler Lindau, who led the University of Chicago study, is a good toning exercise, releases special happy hormones, and offers obvious psychological and health benefits to those looking for the light at the end of the tunnel. It seems that some of our elders are wearing sunglasses.
As a kid, I always knew parents were into sex. My Irish Catholic mother was pregnant 15 times and my godmother gave birth to 16. I never realized sex in the city or out in the country was for the 80 something crowd. But why not?
There are a lot of myths about sex, so I thought I ought to brush up on a Live Science sex quiz (livescience.com), covering a range of misnomers. See how you do. “The sex lives of our prehistoric ancestors were likely similar to: monogamous penguins; promiscuous, no-commitment bonobo chimpanzees; or polygamist, harem-loving gorillas?” The answer, monkey brain, is: promiscuous, non-commitment bonobo chimpanzees. Here’s another one. “Based on artifacts and cave paintings, Ice Age women were likely to: be submissive and dragged around by their hair; to have sex only to make babies; to enjoy sex as much as their male counterparts?” The answers is: they appear to have enjoyed sex as much as their male mates.
On the subject of known aphrodisiacs in the food world, Live Science asks, what is the most potent: oysters, strawberries and turkey; oysters, chocolate and spicy foods; or chocolate and figs? The answer is oysters, chocolate and spicy food, but beware, consumed in one sitting, the above will make you too sick for sex.
And finally, on average how much sperm do we chest-beating males produce a day: 100 million each, 300 million, or 500 million? The answer is 300 million, but don’t get too cocky about it. Most are rejects, like the fanciful tales of our sex lives.
Not that anyone cares, but I bombed the quiz. Easy to say for a sheltered guy who attended a parochial prep school in White Plains, N.Y, and all-boys Catholic college in Connecticut before transferring to sun-drenched University of Arizona in Tucson where halter tops outnumbered the prickly bear cactus. I was overwhelmed and unprepared for it, but then there’s always my 80s to anticipate.