Dear Grocery Store: I Want a Divorce.

Dear local grocery store,

I'm just not that into you anymore. What was once a fond appreciation of great sale ads, killer deals, and stellar customer service is now sitting by the wayside. Your  points program is dying, your produce looks less fresh by the week, your grocery baggers keep killing my eggs- death by laundry detergent bottles. Not pretty. I'm not even going to get into the behavior of some of your cashiers.

I can hear my wallet screaming at me as soon as I walk through your door, revolting in disgust.  If my wallet had a brain and legs, it would commit financial suicide by leaping out of my purse into oncoming traffic. My coupons barely stand a chance against your recent sale ads. Your butter might be cheaper now, but surely one cannot survive off of freshly churned milk. Can they?

I want a divorce, there is a new dude in town who has both my heart and my wallet. You already know who he is. You already know why he has my heart, my wallet- but maybe what you don't know is this:

I want to spend my money in a store where people are friendly. Not in a store where it appears that almost every employee hates their job, their life, and the person working next to them.

If I pay for my groceries, I want them to be intact and edible when I get home. I don't ever want to tell my husband "I bought a surprise for you" only to get home and find his surprise squashed beyond recognition under a pile of heavy glass jars that were in the same bag. Oh yeah, and my aforementioned eggs-what's up with that? Eggs + A 20 ounce bottle of soda= squish.

I want to walk into your store and find your shelves (at minimum) partially stocked. I can't even describe in words how ridiculous it is that I had a choice between only two brands of bread on my last shopping trip-neither of which I purchased because I was so disgusted.

Produce should.look.fresh. Not wilting, not bruised, and with no signs of rot whatsoever.

If you have a sign up for a product that you never intend on selling again, take the flipping sign down. I've been looking for my favorite baby red potatoes on your shelf for the last two months. Your either selling them or your not- stop confusing me.

I know I am not the only person who can whiff out when chicken goes funky. What I mistook as someone blowing hot air out their raunchy butt in my direction, was actually a package of bad chicken. The worst part? There was a meat department employee standing right by the package, and he couldn't even smell it. C'mon now.

Misleading sale signs. For example the stellar sale sign I encountered a few weeks ago:

"Buy One Get One Free 50% off!"

What, just....what? It took two store employees and one store manager to figure out what was really happening with that sale sign.

And lastly- let it be known that there are some very deserving employees at your store. Employees who smile, greet customers, and ask if help is needed. You must treat those employees well, and highlight their service-they are the heart of your store.  I rarely see teamwork when I shop with you, or positivity for that matter-but I do recognize and appreciate the few good eggs that work for you. Give them a fat raise and a major holiday bonus because, if you lose them, I'm signing the divorce paperwork and making it final.

CapeCodToday.com welcomes thoughtful comments and the varied opinions of our readers. We are in no way obligated to post or allow comments that our moderators deem inappropriate. We reserve the right to delete comments we perceive as profane, vulgar, threatening, offensive, racially-biased, homophobic, slanderous, hateful or just plain rude. Commenters may not attack or insult other commenters, readers or writers. Commenters who persist in posting inappropriate comments will be banned from commenting on CapeCodToday.com.