Summarizing Smiles at Falmouth Town Meeting

Rounding up the usual suspects
Democracy Needn't Be a Bore...

Just in case you're not on political overload after over two years of campaigns, commercials and combacks, and just in case you need a break from the seriousness of this political season, here is a light-hearted primer and some predictions for next week's Falmouth Fall Classic, Town Meeting:

Before the pledge and the prayer can even be uttered, haymakers are thrown in the lobby of the Lawrence Memorial Auditorim as stalwarts on both sides of the 419 Woods Hole Road affordable housing issue let their passions spill over.  Diane Thompson and Catherine Bumpus make the peace, both agreeing to participate in celebrity wrestling, the winner of which will get to choose the location for Woods Hole's lone affordable house.

Soon thereafter, as Moderator Dave Vieira is explaining the new rules for powerpoint presentations, self-appointed Gadfly Dan Shearer suggests that the Community Preservation Committee should buy all Town Meeting Members a laptop with the $3 million in excess funds they have hanging around. 

The ball starts rolling, and in the current spirit of "sharing the wealth," it is determined that life would be more affordable for Town Meeting members with equal distribution, and each of the 243 Town Meeting Members gets $12,345 for open space, recreation and affordable housing.  Joe Netto objects, arguing that Woods Hole Town Meeting Members should get nothing.

As the articles tick away, a rumbling is heard from the door near the front of the stage.  Selectman Chairman Ahmed Mustafa is seen tugging on Town Manager Bob Whritenour's arm, as he has one foot out the door...

Gary Anderson's road will never be plowed again

As Articles 26 and 27, which ask for upgrades for 13 administrative and management personnel are hotly debated, Finance Committee Chair Gary Anderson reminds the assembled elected Town Meeting Members that the sky is falling. Neither article passes and Ray Jack vows never to plow Gary's road again. 

In a tribute to retired Human Services Director Peter Kirwin, former Superintendents Peter Clark and Bob Antonucci announce plans to erect a statue near Town Hall.  Planning is halted, though, when the architect is fired and the $2,000 statue's cost grows to $10 million. 

With the Webster Woods debate having emerged as the new version of Falmouth's "cranberry wars," former cranberry combatants Wendi Buessler and Selectman Brent Putnam re-assert their cranberry relevancy by debating constructing bogs on the Oshman property.  Caught in the middle yet again, developer Chris Wise agrees to plant cranberries at Wise Living on Dillingham Ave as a proposed settlement.  Selectman Kevin Murphy claims credit.

Finally, as Town Clerk Mike Palmer surveys the room at the end of another local celebration of democracy, he notes a lone figure lurking in the back of the room, with music playing a faint but unmistakable version of "Eye of the Tiger" from the comeback movie "Rocky IV." He notices Peter Boyer shadow boxing at the rear of the auditorium...

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