How many addicted start out with hope and belief that they can fight their addiction and then lose all hope from stress, the urge to drink again and the awful feelings that you must struggle through to head for or reach recovery? Hope makes you feel that you will reach your goal, while hopelessness, means you lose all confidence that you can do it. So what do you do? You take the comfortable action; you quit. I think you don’t realize that a high percentage of addicts are fighting the same battle. It’s normal to experience these feelings. Don’t be so hard on yourself. It took years to get where you are now so it will take years to recover, and a lifetime of wanting to fall back.
What you want is instant or fast results with no hills to climb. Anything in life, even not being addicted to alcohol or drugs, is a battle to reach with changes. Everyone likes to stay with things that we are familiar with, and friends who … we thought liked us, even if falling back puts us in the same nightmare. What you are fighting is fear. No one likes that road of the unknown. Once you make it, you will come to realize that you had nothing to fear but yourself. The help is there with the professionals, you were just fighting your bodies wanting that drug or drink. It’s our insides and minds that are our enemies.
You have to give 100% going into a detox center, counseling, doctors or centers to stay until you dry out. If not, you will not make the life without using. My daughter, Lori, went three times into rehabs, and we know deep down that she wanted to give her habit up, but she didn’t want the fight. She feared opening up, believe it or not, even crying, so she kept the garbage deep down inside her instead of reaching for the stars.
You need to start looking at who you really are without a drink. Maybe you forgot that person. Yes, not perfect, but you were happy doing things with family and friends. Events that were without the struggle of explaining to others why you failed yourself and them with broken promises. You desired being with friends with the same habit so no one thought your actions were wrong.
Once you step away from your routine, you will come to see that your daily lives where filled with abuse, fear and confusion. No one wants to live like that once you walk away from that life. “One Day at a Time” is a good statement. When you think of the work ahead of you, you freeze. It’s like a person needing to lose 200 pounds. They look at the whole picture of all that weight instead of saying I will lose 2 pounds per week. Why not? What’s your hurry? At least you are going in the right direction.
Look at yourself every single day in the mirror and say, “I deserve to be happy.” Lower your pride and tell family that you need their support more than life itself. Let them realize while you are struggling this battle not to pressure you with “You’ll never do it.” You don’t need the questions and having to explain to everyone why you went on this road. Tell them to let you handle this your way with the professionals without coming home to a family bringing up the past with your actions or how you hurt them. Once you feel comfortable to open up, and I’m sure it will take months, think seriously about having family counseling, even if you say things that someone did that hurt you. They may not even know you suffered from something they did to you.
Counseling will help you to learn to forgive yourself and others who hurt you. If you can’t forgive, you stay stuck. Don’t let another person, who might have been more sick than you, stop you from being happy again. Forgiving does not mean the person was right, it means you want to move forward. Guilt you carry from actions in the past, may not be your fault. Others might have done things to you that was caused from their sickness.
Talk to professionals on what “caused” you to become an alcoholic or drug addict more than the disease. You need to get that garbage out of you or holding the pain deep within you, will keep you from facing the hurt from the past. Cry..Cry..Cry without any guilt whether you are a man or woman. That is why God gave us tears. Tears heal, tears help you to let go, tears takes tons of pressure off you so you can go on and talk about what caused those tears.
And most of all, give it up to God. He waits every single day for you to reach out to him. He gives you choices and you make them; good or bad. You are never alone with Him. Get to a church or anywhere you pray and put your life into His hands. Believe, have faith, have hope, forgive when you fall back and get up without saying you can’t do the steps to recover. Hang out with the people who want the same as you…recovery.