Journey's blog

ENABLING

 

Enabling behavior is the easiest thing for someone to do for a loved one. I could have received the highest award for doing so because I wanted no conflicts, to have the person mad at me, keeping firm with my rules, and watching a sulking person, to only give into them.

When it comes to the person with a drinking or drug problem, we have to develop the tough-love we hear about so often. If we don’t, we help the addict go deeper into their habit, that can, in the future, kill them. Better to have them hate you than burying them. 

I lost both my husband, Richard, and daughter, Lori, from their addiction to alcohol abuse. My relationship with Richard during his blackouts were frustration, anger, hate, the guilt that his actions had to be from something I had done, or he no longer loved me.

From me not making, and enforcing demands, with what should not have been allowed living together, our family life behind closed doors, was on the path of destruction with mind and body, and our two daughters lived in confusion, fear, watched abuse, and grew up scared with no security. 

Lets understand something that I didn’t, at the time. Don’t stay with a partner because you believe the children need the other parent. No child needs to watch adult behavior at its worse. They grow up following the same path by marrying the same kind of person with substance abuse problems, take the drugs up themselves, and the merry-go-round starts again with their family life when they marry. 

When we enable, we shield our loved one from experiencing the full impact and consequences of their behavior. Enabling is different from helping and supporting in that it allows the enabled person to be irresponsible for whatever they do; getting in a car accident, get arrested, being violent, fights, blackouts, hanging out with the wrong crowd, cause separation from family, constantly asking for money or stealing it, lying, losing their jobs, children, cars, homes, and the list can go on.

Until they come to realize that only they can get sober by themselves, and we can only support them, the cycle will continue, especially, if parents and loved ones, make excuses for them. What we do is make decisions with our hearts and not our brain with reality with a solution. 

Drinking and taking drugs becomes a problem, when it causes problems. Think of what your conflicts are: do they revolve around the time they drink? Are you getting behind paying bills, when you never did? Where is the money going? Who are your child’s friends, where do they go, what do they do? 

Living this kind of life for fourteen years (way beyond reasoning) made me have a small breakdown, because all I did day and night for 24/7 was think of ways to cure Richard. I pushed my mind and body to the point of braking down. If you see no results from demands, separate from that person. People panic thinking the next step is divorce. That happens, if you make it happen, by filing for one. Separation is just that, both going different ways, until you see if changes happen.

God didn’t put us on earth to be abused mentally or physically by someone who doesn’t want to change their destructive behavior. You should not have to sink with that person. You can die tomorrow, and they will continue on their suicide path. We all have choices; the addict and yourself. 

I’m ashamed to say, I took Richard back four times. FOUR TIMES! Love is not going to pull you through this nightmare of substance abuse. When they go too deep, the alcohol or drugs are more important to them than life itself. 

Don’t do what I did….wait fourteen years to end it. By then, all of us suffered, when there was no need for it, when professional help is available for the whole family. End a relationship before you get killed by someone in a rage.

As for handling my daughter’s drinking and taking drugs, believe it or not, none of us knew she had a problem, until she was thirty-seven years old. She had been drinking in her senior year in high school, and I thought she’d outgrow it when she graduated…my blinders were on even after losing Richard at forty-five at the VA Hospital in Providence, Rhode Island from his alcohol abuse. Lori was following the same path. 

Lori died in 2006 at thirty-nine years of age at the Charlton Memorial Hospital in Fall River. She and her father are buried together at the Saint Patrick Cemetery in Somerset, Massachusetts. Don’t think that it will never happen to you.

If something doesn’t feel right, find out what it is; new friends, new attitude, coming home late, wanting fights, losing interest in the family unit, and arguments all from substance abuse. 

If I had taken the seriousness of Lori’s drinking, and her being under eighteen years old, she could have been taken out of school and placed in a rehabilitation center before learning of her addiction in her thirties. She would have had professional help before the demon had a grip on her. 

She entered Butler Hospital in Providence, Rhode Island, and twice at Emerson House in Falmouth, Massachusetts. She just couldn’t understand why she had a problem. Look for depression, which I never saw. Lori felt her father’s death without talking about it, and I forced her into an abortion at seventeen, which she didn’t want. 

Don’t ignore the warning signs!

Alberta Sequeira
www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com
Email: [email protected]
Books: www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira 

How to Write and Get Your Story Out!

 

you have got a mail

 

Becoming Writers

How many of you feel like there is a story inside of you that wants to jump out onto pages? That’s a talent. Don’t hide the desire or ignore what you want to accomplish. 

I published three handbooks for those who can’t attend my classes. The first is titled, Bring Your Manuscript to Publication. It is a 3-hour workshop made into a handbook for those writers who can’t afford the time or money to take in workshops. The steps are an easy way to learn. The three handbooks are available at: http://www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira

All handbooks are $10 and in Kindle. Free through July 2018.

Here is what is covered in Bring Your Manuscript to Publication:
Introduction to Writing/How to develop a Good Story
Taking Breaks/Keeping Receipts
Emails/Writer’s Group
Outlining Your Thoughts
Characters/Plot
Research/Posting Thoughts, Editing
Outlining Your Story
What is a Hook
How to Open with a Hook
Grammar Problems
Words to Avoid/Your Last Step in Editing
Where to Find Editors/Reference Books
Getting Published
Agent or Publisher
Different Ways to Publish
Becoming Your Own Publisher
E-Books/Query Letter
Sample of Query Letters
Synopsis
Sample of Synopsis
Book Proposal
Book Cover/Title
What Happens after Publishing/Media Kit
Difference Between a Rich and Poor Author/Websites for Authors
Perseverance
__________________________________________________

My second handbook How to Self-Publish Your Own Book Through CreateSpace is more important now since CreateSpace has stopped all corresponding with authors on the steps to take to get their books into their publication site. Writers are left with paying one of three different companies to help them prepare your manuscript to upload.

My steps will help you understand the language they talk that leaves you confused. It took me four months, with absolute frustration, not knowing one author who used the program. I was completely on my own, even CreateSpace gave me so much help and then held back on important issues. I now have 2 memoirs, 1 Narrative Non-Fiction and the 3 handbooks that I self Published. Why did I go through the stress? I got tired of paying a publisher to print my books and came out with everyone else getting a huge part of my royalties. Here is a handbook to help you take the leap and publish your own book through CreateSpace and come out way ahead. A charge for $6.00 (cost to receive a printed book to evaluate and make corrections before final print), with no hidden costs. Easy steps to follow. The instructions will help you correct mistakes, learn what they mean by embed fonts, hard keys, certain margins; learn the difference between page breaks, section breaks, inserting headers, footer and pages with a lot more.

______________________________________________________
My last handbook is Writing Memoirs. The hardest to sell, but a great way to share your good or bad experience in life. Leave advise to the world on what saved you or what steps not to take.
Writing memoirs all starts with the desire to share an event in your life. Here are important questions to know: Can you use someone’s name? Can you write by giving yourself another name? This is a handbook taken from my three-hour workshop on teaching memoir writing. Here is what you will learn:

Introduction to Writing Memoirs 
What is a Memoir
Protecting Yourself with a Memoir
If No Permission is Given
Sample of Disclaimer
Posting Thoughts
Using All Your Senses
Point of View
Setting Discipline
Writer’s Groups
Your Thoughts
Characters 
Plot
The Value of an Outline
What is a Hook
How to Open with a Hook
Sample of Hooks
Grammar Problems
Words to Avoid
Your Last Step Editing
Where to Find Editors
Ideas on Memoir Books
Getting Published
Agent or Publisher
E-Books
Query Letters
How Do I Format a Query Letter
What Makes a Query Letter Successful
How to Write A Query Letter
Synopsis
Sample of Synopsis
Book Proposal
Book Cover/Title
Getting the Cover
Synopsis on the Back Cover
What Happens After Publishing
Media Kit
Difference Between a Rich and Poor Author/Websites for Authors
Website for Authors
Where to Promote
Perseverance

Have a great day!

Alberta Sequeira
www.albertasequeira.org
Email: [email protected]

I Got Flowers Today

Chris Perry/FaceBook

June 21 at 9:53 PM
I got flowers

I got flowers today. It wasn’t my birthday or any other special day. We had our first argument last night. He said a lot of cruel things that really hurt me. I know he was sorry and didn’t mean the things he said. Because I got flowers today.

I got flowers today. It wasn’t our anniversary or any other special day. Last night, he threw me into a wall and started to choke me. It seemed like a nightmare. I couldn’t believe it was real. I woke up this morning sore and bruised all over. I know he must be sorry Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. It wasn’t Mother’s Day or any other special day. Last night, he beat me up again. And it was much worse than all other times. If I leave him, what will I do? How will I take care of my kids? What about money? I’m afraid of him and scared to leave. But I know he must be sorry Because he sent me flowers today.

I got flowers today. Today was a very special day. It was the day of my funeral. Last night he finally killed me. He beat me to death.

If only I had gathered enough courage and strength to leave him, I would not have gotten flowers today.

This poem is dedicated to all the victims and survivors of Domestic Violence.
Add my instagram for more @chrisgqperry
#share for awareness

________________________________________________________________

I had to post this because I’m lucky to be alive myself from years of physical abuse during my ex-husband’s blackouts. I had three serious attacks that I wonder today, not only how did I survive, but how sick I was to stay in the relationship and not have him arrest. STOP thinking, “It can never happen to me!”

My husband was a shy man, who without drinking, was polite and funny. Take this post seriously!!

Alberta Sequeira
www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com
[email protected]
Purchase books at http://www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira

Do you believe in an after life?

Spiritual Renwal

I think with the world we’re living in, we need faith. We should be turning back to God. Our Blessed Mother has said there is a lot of power in prayer. It seems only the friends I have welcome the talk of miracles, and the presence of God in our lives.

When Sheriff Thomas Hodgson interviewed me on his television show (https://vimeo.com/254517198), we talked about my journey to Medjugorje in Bosnia from my book. I thought we’d talk about my visit with the men and women inmates at his jail, but the sheriff believed the spiritual side of the prisoners were extremely important.
     That’s why I wrote A Spiritual Renewal: A Journey to Medjugorje. It has a lot about my relationship with my father and his life when he was one of commanders of the 26th Yankee Division during WWII. It’s a miracle when we open our hearts to let Our Lord in, and we come to realize messages He is sending down to us. Here are a few reviews of the book.

Amazon Customer
Feeling stuck? Read Alberta Sequeira’s book: A Spiritual Renewal / A Journey to Medjugorje to get back on your path.

Though I no longer adhere to what I call organized church religion, I was deeply moved by the sincerity of Alberta Sequeira’s book: A Spiritual Renewal / A Journey to Medjugorje. She quickly drew me into being part of her journey. I had read about the visionaries some years back. I do believe in miracles and Spirit. God has always been with me… and I with Him.
Her book also encompasses her experiences being married to a man afflicted with alcoholism – the difficulties of divorce and raising children alone. It was a time when she was without faith. How wonderful that she discovered that God was in her corner all along. She had just forgotten to ask for healing.
After her father passed away in 1990, she realized how little she knew about his life outside the home. He was Brigadier General Albert L. Gramm, Sr. You will want to start a journal about those you love. So many questions go unanswered. Still, she searched and filled in some of the gaps.
So much of the content of this book relates to me. I highly recommend this openly honest account of Alberta’s journey back to faith.
Janice Clark, retired teacher, writer of children’s stories

_____________________________________________________________

Thomas Cirignano, author and speaker

For me, reading A Spiritual Renewal was truly uplifting and inspiring. To use those words to honestly characterize a literary work these days is quite rare. It was refreshing that there was no sensationalism to be found, just the author’s heartfelt description of events.
     Coincidentally, my reading of Alberta Sequeira’s story was well timed. It was a point in my life when I needed to be reminded that faith is often renewed when we most need it. Does that happen because we, as human beings, search for answers during times of loss and chaos, or does a Higher Power search us out when we truly need it? I’m not overly religious. In fact, I’ve been called “Doubting Thomas” more times than I care to admit. But even I could relate to this story because special coincidences, which most people would consider miracles, have happened to me, just as they did in this author’s life. It was good to read that I am not unique in that respect.
     One of the biggest questions we all ponder in life is whether loved ones who have passed on, or other heavenly entities, such as God, The Blessed Mother, or angels actually do watch over us during our lifetimes. All I can say is, read A Spiritual Renewal, look back at the events of your own life, and then decide for yourself.
______________________________________________________________

Chris

This book is a heart-felt, moving memoir of the author’s father and her journey to find inner peace and renewal of life. She shares her life story from a child to the present with beautiful photos included throughout the book. She shares her struggles and pain when her father gets diagnosed with cancer and has to say goodbye. Her hunger for God leads her to a journey to Medjugorje that brings the inner healing and peace that she was looking for.
________________________________________________________________
Alberta Sequeira
www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com
[email protected]
Purchase books at http://www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira

Saying Goodbye is Painful

Albert in blechers

I keep this picture of my twin brother, Albert, up on my website, because on June 4, 2018, he had his first anniversary of his death from lung cancer. He was addicted to cigarettes and couldn’t give them up.

He was cremated in Boynton Beach, Florida where he lived. Our modern world has turned a lot of people to cremation. My husband and I are signed up at a funeral home for the same instructions. Why? Paying $2,000-$3,000 is more comfortable than $14,000 at least, for a wake, funeral, and Mass. 

The sad part of cremation is not having a closure with saying goodbye. Since he died in Florida with no services, my heart still wants to believe he is still alive. 

He was diagnosed with lung cancer in 1990 and was told to have his voice box taken out. A Japanese doctor from Mass General Hospital in Boston, Massachusetts tried a new radiation treatment on him. He was the first person to use this.  He was cured completely and doctors from Japan came over to the USA to see the treatment and examine my brother.

How many people fighting cancer would love this gift from God of being healed? He could eat or do anything he wanted but stay away from cigarettes. No, he started right up after he was cured. Probably thinking he had new lungs. Like an alcoholic being blessed with getting a new liver. Some pick up where they left off because the liver was clean with no disease and figure they have years to drink again.

Albert lived another 27 years, but let me say, his last 5-10 were not healthy. His voice went deep, raspy, and was extremely hard to understand his speech. Family begged him to stop, but he saw no problem. He claimed his faded voice was from the radiation treatment, not the past cancer. 

Like parents and family members of substance abusers, we had to sit back and watch my brother’s life slowly leaving him, while he continued his addiction, in-between him feeling like we were picking on him.

We, who have no addictions ask, “Why can’t they stop?” We can’t understand what they are mentally and physically going through. That’s why people start their addictions because they feel they can stop anytime, or the substance will not kill them. 

I wanted so badly to know when Albert was passing so I could of held his hand leaving this world as we came into it together. 

Be at peace. We miss you.

Alberta

Purchase at www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira
Alberta Sequeira
www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com
Email: [email protected]

Where Does it End?

 

Please, God, Not Two

It’s sad enough when we lose a husband, wife, family member, or a dear friend. A child. How do you explain the pain to someone? We never know that agony someone else is feeling until you have that tragedy hit you.

We think a safe bubble is surrounding us and something that horrible will not hit us. That’s what I used to think, until the demon of alcoholism grabbed onto my husband, Richard, at 45 years of age, and that wasn’t enough, so it returned to take our daughter, Lori, at 39 years old. Yes, Lori went out drinking with her friends but she wasn’t an alcoholic, I thought.

We become huge enablers without even realizing it. We also go blind to the problems when they are in front of us. All the signs are there, our child becoming quiet, grades going down, no desire to go out with their usual friends, problems in school, scared to go out in public, no idea where they go or with whom, or look to see the other signs. 

Our world is way too fast with both parents working, kids going in different directions, no family gathering at mealtime, too much television, violent video games, and the cellphones that are glued to their fingers. 

Society has made the act of our young children turning to alcohol and drugs as a normal thing to except in this new lifestyle we have grown into in life. Nowhere do we see the death toll going down. Sex is something that used to be special to wait for until marriage, and our new world brings children into it without marriage, and at times, with different fathers. Women have stopped demanding respect.  Men assume they can have their desires with women.

Abuse between the boys and girls on drugs is high. A few dates, and our children move in to an apartment with each other without even knowing who the other one is or their background. Drugs come into play to keep the brain dead not to face the problems. 

My God, where are we going with this deathtrap? How do we stop it? We have to educate our children before they enter grammar school. Yes, bestow fear, because that is what it is going to take to make our children stop and think before jumping into experimenting with a substance that will eventually kill them. Stop thinking they are too young. They know more than the parents.

Come into my world with Lori in Please, God, Not Two after Richard’s death. Read how our children start out with drinking to keep up with friends, to block their minds on not fitting into a crowd, losing confidence in themselves, losing a parent causing them to get into depression holding that pain inside instead of talking about it, or having abortions. All these events lay heavy on our kids. Many are too young to handle problems that should be for adults. 

Communication between us and our children has slowly disappeared. Parents get divorced, some for good reasons, and our children are torn apart with handling their loss. Parents are so mixed up themselves that they get absorbed with their problems and go blind to their kids going down the path of substance abuse. No security with two parents causes confusion and fear in our child's life.

Our list can go on forever with everything in life as family goes. Our once happy children turn to alcohol, drugs, crimes, sex, pregnancy out of wedlock, they follow a family member who drinks down from one generation to another.

If something isn’t discovered to control this situation, or a solution is found, there will be few kids turning into grownups that will have an education to become important to our country and communities. We will not have leaders. Our prisons, hospitals, and rehabs for the mentally ill, will be full. 

Alberta Sequeira
www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com
[email protected]
Purchase books at http://www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira

Interview with Sheriff Thomas Hodgson from The Bristol County Correctional

https://vimeo.com/254517198

2018 - ALBERTA AND SHERIFF PHOTO

This is my interview with Sheriff Thomas Hodgson from The Bristol County Correctional office at 400 Faunce Corner, North Dartmouth, Massachusetts. The first half hour is about my life with the last half hours talking to the women inmates at the jail. 

I can be reached at: [email protected]
My website for the addicted with choices is: www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com
For my writers and followers to become authors: www.albertasequeira.org

Purchase my books at www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira

Your Decision to Stop Drinking

Wish I didn't get sober

 

Your decision for today and so many others is, “I’m going to stop drinking.” The want is there, but now the hard work is facing you. First is the panic and being scared to death. Suddenly moving forward seems worse than staying where you are. Fighting for sobriety has to be a horrible feeling when you are hooked. 

You push ahead because you know there are benefits to being sober. At the same time, you try to convince yourself that it is not the best choice. Maybe the drinking benefits seem more familiar and safe. Maybe they outweigh the consequences.

First, know where you stand with honesty. If you don’t want sobriety don’t fake it. Why? If you heart isn’t in getting sober and staying sober, you will fail and hate yourself for each time you fall backwards, each time you pick that next drink up. 

For some reason your excuses seem to make sense. I’m not an alcoholic. I might take too many drinks at times. I can control my drinking. I just don’t want to. If it’s a problem, it’s a small one. There is too much stress in my life to not have a drink available to get me through the pain. If it is a problem more than I realize, I can’t stop. I’ve tried. 

You want sobriety? Then take and honest survey of yourself. Where do you stand on changing your life and health? Maybe the knowledge that this hard work will take months, years or decades, is frightful. This is your life, and you are the only one who can decide your fate. 

Alberta Sequeira
www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com
[email protected]
Purchase books at www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira

Want a good book to read

MARITAL ADVICE

I usually don’t advertise too many book on my site, but this is a winner. What a gift to men getting married, a man trying to understand women in general, a bachelor gift for a party, or anything relating to marriage for a man. 

Peter Davison took a loving message to his grandson and turned it into a book to share with us. Go to Amazon.com and purchase this book. You’d be amazed at the advice.

As for us women, Peter told the truth, girls! We are complicated!!

.Marital Advice

When my grandson, Joel, got engaged, I decided to jot down a few words of marital wisdom for him, based on my vast experience as a husband. Then I thought, why share this wisdom with only one person when I can share it with the whole world. So, I started a blog, listing new marital advice every week. As the popularity of the blog grew, people suggested that the material should be turned into a book and, well, here it is! Sure, much of the advice is off-the-wall and wacky, but it’s also an upbeat, humorous look at married life that any engaged or married person can relate to and will find insightful and fun to read. Even unmarried people can enjoy the book and, who knows, it might convince some of you to take the plunge, or perhaps confirm your belief that being single is a blessing. Advice to Joel, and to any man, includes: make sure that you buy a roll of electrical tape before you volunteer to do the vacuuming–and why, how to deal with your wife’s steely-eyed, clinched-jaw scowl, known as “The Look,” how to answer your wife’s questions such as, “Does this dress make my ass look big?,” the warning that your mouth will get you into a whole lot more trouble than your Willy ever will, and how to create the world’s most powerful anniversary card for your wife. Virtually all of the material in the book is presented in the form of upbeat stories, scenarios, and examples. This is not the type of advice that you’ll find in a textbook on marriage or in a book on marital relations written by some psychiatrist. This is the real stuff for real people.

Alberta Sequeira
www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com
[email protected]

So You want to Write a Book

 
Bring Your Manuscript
 
So you want to write a book. It’s scary not knowing anyone who can help you. I teach workshops for writers and decided to write handbook for those of you who can’t attend or can’t afford them. 

I’m going to take a few topics covered in my handbook Bring Your Manuscript to Publication. 

INTRODUCTION TO WRITING

Welcome to your world of writing. It all begins with a thought for a great story. The next step is to start writing your first sentence. You don’t need to spend every spare moment at the computer. A half hour a day will bring your story together. Pushing aside your desire to write will never fill your dream of having that special book published.

Publishing your work can happen if you persevere and keep your confidence. Famous writers had to start where you are now. In the beginning, don’t worry about making every sentence flow together or panic because they make no sense. There will be numerous times going back to recheck your grammar, punctuation and spelling. You may find it necessary to reword sentences. Those corrections should be in the last stages.

A computer is a gift and a best friend to a writer. Its function keys allow you to cut, paste, copy, delete or add a page from the internet to your manuscript. Remember, most mistakes can be fixed.

One important fact that I suggest is to SAVE your material with each paragraph or page that you finish. If you take a break, if there’s a storm, SAVE your work on a CD before shutting everything down. You’d be surprised how many hours of work can be lost. If it’s gone, you will learn what frustration is all about when you try to remember what you finished writing; you know, those perfect thoughts! 

When done for the day, SAVE your work on a CD. Make it a habit that you write your fresh, new, daily entries at the start of each day in your manuscript in the computer and SAVE the day’s work on the CD. It is easy to get mixed up if you start one day writing on the CD and saving the work in the computer and then the next day starting in the computer and saving on the CD because you will over-riding pages of entries with your finished work. I made this horrible mistake with my first book for months forgetting which location I started my writing last, where it was saved, and it deleted important information that I could not remember. Remember, work on the computer, Save on the CD at the end. Make this a routine practice. 

Keep a pencil and a pad of paper in the living room, kitchen and bedroom. Some of the best material seem to come during the wee hours of the night or morning. Have one special location to store your notes. Type them daily into your document. It saves paperwork from piling up or your notes getting lost. 

Buy a tape recorder (prices can start around $40) and carry it with you everywhere. How many times have you been out and some fantastic idea for the book hits you? By the time you get home that thought could be gone forever. 

Here are all the topics covered in my handbook for $10 or under on Amazon at www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira

Contents Page
Bio of Author 3
Introduction to Writing/How to Develop a Good Story 4
Taking Breaks/Keeping Receipts
Emails/Writer’s Groups
Outlining Your Thoughts
Characters/Plot
Research/Posting Thoughts, Editing
Outlining Your Story
What is a Hook
How to Open with a Hook
Grammar Problems
Words to Avoid/Your Last Step Editing
Where to Find Editors/ Reference Books
Getting Published
Agent or Publisher
Different Ways to Publish
Becoming Your Own Publisher
E-Books/Query Letters
Sample of Query Letters
Synopsis
Sample of Synopsis
Book Proposal
Book Cover/Title
What Happens after Publishing/Media Kit
Difference Between a Rich and Poor Author/Websites for Authors
Perseverance
Albert’s Contact info and Published Books

Alberta Sequeir

Pages