Journey's blog

Surviving a Loss During the Holidays

                           Richard Lopes                                          Lori (Lopes) Cahill

          Richie.2    Lori Water Raffing

The shock of losing my daughter, Lori (Lopes) Cahill on November 22, 2006 from alcohol abuse after losing my husband, Richard Lopes, from the same illness was bad enough, but now the reality, and almost disbelief, that November 22, 2015 will be the "ninth" anniversary of her death. Richie died in 1985, "thirty years" ago from the same alcohol addiction. 

How did I survive the years of pain and loss? I guess from survival and the daily habit of waking up, putting both feet on the floor and facing another day. Sometimes I went months not thinking of Lori and had the guilt of "How could I push her in the back of my mind?"

Now another holiday comes...Thanksgiving. We had to take Lori off life support two days before Thanksgiving. To add to the pain, the holiday had us wait another five days before putting her to rest next to her father. A holiday that I didn't want to celebrate or be with anyone. Grabbing a pillow and a blanket and rotting on the couch was my true desire. 

Lori has a sister, Debbie Dutra, from Berkley, Massachusetts, a daughter, Meagan and her son, Joe. Brian and Debbie took Lori's two children into their home with their daughter, Kerri and son Michael, and loved them just as much as their own. The four cousins were always together. Lori loved family gatherings.

They were the reasons I sat at the table with an empty seat without Lori and tried to give my love to the family feeling like myself. No one spoke of the loss. Debbie's mother-in-law said the meal prayer that I always did because only tears came to my eyes. The words were crushing my throat, and I asked myself "What is there to be thankful for this holiday?" 

I wondered how Debbie had the energy and want to put the dinner on at her home two days after Lori's death. God had His reasons and Lori left us a lot. No one knows the pain of losing anyone, especially a child, until the tragedy happens to us. My parents lost my brother, Walter, at seven from polio and I never knew their true pain until Lori's death. 

I will again be happy at our family gathering having our health and the food on the table. 

A month later, Christmas will arrive and another holiday brings happiness and sadness at the same time. Shopping at the malls with the glitter, colorful Christmas trees, decorated windows, and a Santa with a child on his lap used to be my joy. Christmas songs at the stores, broke my heart and I'd fight back tears.   

I wrap gifts knowing a present with a tag for Lori will be missing. She used to open Debbie's door with Meagan and Joe and yell, "Hello, we're here," as they struggled carrying a handful of gifts for all when I knew she had a hard time with money. 

Yes, Thanksgiving and Christmas are wonderful days...family days. Giving my talks and signing my books makes me realize, when readers open up to me, how many people are living in pain from losing a family member to alcohol or drug addiction. 

Families around the world, who have lost someone to the terrorist attacks are going to be in pain. These deaths have no answer except their loved ones where in the wrong place at the wrong time. 

Life is not fair when it comes to death. It's how we are going to live our lives from the tragedy that is important. I feared standing up in front of people and talking, but God had plans for me to write my books and talk to addicts and their families. It's not easy bringing the raw pain back.

We have so many "if only, I could have, why didn't I, how did we miss it, or why did we send them there?" Questions with no answers. They were taken from us and we have to go on to help others. 

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               Alberta Sequeira

All her books are in paperback and Kindle at http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=alberta+sequeira.

Her email is [email protected] if you want a quote for a talk.

Change in 2016 and Reach Recovery

poster-climbing a laddeer to recovery

The year 2015 will soon be ending. How many addicts are going to get serious and get themselves professional help in 2016, leave the friends that are pulling them down with the same habit, or returning over and over again to the same location where they get the drugs or drinks?

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to see a drop in substance abuse? If the addict can desire the recovery and stick to the doctors and counselors who can help and stay in the company of friends wanting the same change, the drug dealers and adults buying underage children alcohol would slowing drop.

These dealers know what they are doing by keeping their clients buying to control them. There is not one of them that actually cares if the drugs, alcohol or prescription drugs are killing anyone. It’s all about the money.

I pray this upcoming new year, as I always do, that a miracle will happen and a change will develop. The addicted could find strength in turning back to their faith…giving it up to God.

Purchase What is and isn’t Working for the Alcoholic and Addict to give you strength. One addict helping another is an unique gift. Paperback or Kindle at http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=alberta+sequeira

Veteran's Day

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BRIGADIER GENERAL, ALBERT L. GRAMM

I want to honor my father, Brigadier General, Albert L. Gramm, and every man and woman who had fought or enlisted during peacetime to keep our country safe. My husband, Albin A. Sequeira served in the Navy from 1952-1955 during the Korean War as a CT3 (Communications Technician 3). Although, it seems we have always been in war, and for those with no family members in the service, we don't look at the seriousness of losing a loved one. Society feels for these family but until the reality hits us personally, we overlook it. Maybe we just assume our world is being protected and don't fear these wars and attacks can be at our own doorstep. The reality became real with 9/11.

To the military servicemen and women who have died, we see and know the reality of its results. I have always believed that wars are with the governments who give the orders and sit back while the civilians go to war. Our men and women face a stranger, not wanting to be there any more than themselves, and shoot to kill so they can live. I think of how many military people were loving, happy people with families that they loved and had to pick a gun up for the first time in their life to kill. They watched buddies die in front of them or in their arms.

In 1990, my father died at home at 80 years old from cancer living in South Dennis, Massachusetts, a location in beautiful Cape Cod. He never got to enjoy the area because my parents and brother, Joe Gramm and his wife Marge, (owners of The Cape Cod Upholstery) bought a house together to care for him. Dad feared dying because he killed, an act God tells us is a very serious sin on our souls. The family took him to LaSalette in Attleboro to see a priest to give him peace.

We as family, friends, relatives and the citizens of the United States and other countries, will never truly understand what these service people saw and had to do to live and come home to us. Dad promised The Blessed Mother during WWII fighting in Metz, Lorraine and The Battle of the Bulge, that if she brought him home safely to his family, he would say the rosary every day of the rest of his life. He kept that promise as he died in bed. At the end, his family members helped say this holy prayer when he was not able to stay awake.

It was my first time in my forties years that I learned the rosary. We are given them at our First Holy Communion, but how many of us learn them? A sat in Dad's rocker facing his bed for two weeks straight and realized that I never took the time to know this great man, and especially his military status. What was he really like, did he miss out on a dream, did he fill his accomplishments, and mostly, why didn't I sit with him when I became an adult and ask about his years in the service. The only emotion I ever saw from him was sitting in his den in E. Falmouth, talking about losing my brother, Walter, at seven from polio. I watched a strong man crying from the pain saying, "It's been over 40 years, and I still can't forgive myself." (The story of what happened is in my book A Spiritual Renewal). I loved and felt for him seeing him lose control; something Dad always contained. I learned that pain when I lost my own daughter, Lori Cahill, on November 22, 2006 from her alcohol addiction. (Story in Please, God, Not Two).

I wrote about this great man in A Spiritual Renewal: A Journey to Medjugorje. Men pick the book up and think, "Oh, a girly book!" It is a great book to give a man, especially a veteran, for any occasion and with Christmas around the corner. The memoir has his life story and our relationship, the missing opportunities to know him as a man besides a father. How many of us miss this chance with our loved ones? There is a section with writings from the men who served under him when he had been one of the commanding officers for the 26th Yankee Division. His bio showed what he accomplished in his lifetime...during my years of growing not looking at any of his military status. 

His faith brought me to Medjugorje, a tiny remote town in Bosnia, where since 1981 Our Lady has been and still is appearing daily to six visionaries, who are receiving 10 secrets each to be revealed to the world when they get them all. They already picked the priest to announce the messages. Only two visionaries have one more secret to receive. 

He wanted to travel over to Medjugorje, but had gotten to the point of being too sick to make the flight. In 1998, I went thinking it was for my dad, when I realized it was for both of us. I had lost my faith fighting through 14 years of a marriage with an alcoholic and felt God had abandoned me (Story in Someone Stop This Merry-Go-Round). Now I realize that we have choices in life and mine was to stay in an unhealthy environment that took the innocence, security and happy years away from our two daughters. 

A Spiritual Renewal is a book of love, family and miracles, and the reality that we need to enjoy our loved ones while they are with us. We never know when God is going to call them home. This is a family book for any religion, man or woman, and especially for anyone who has lost their way with God in their life. 

Today, let us remember a loved one or dear friend who gave their life and years to keeping us safe in our country. When they come home....welcome them....thank them for what they have done of each of us. Don't let them be forgotten. I hope companies can open their hearts and give them a job so they can support their families and not feel like they came home unnoticed with what they lost. There are many who come home with physical and mental problems, depression, missing body parts, needing others to care for them losing their independence, and many lose their marriages due to stress.  

I personally want to thank every veteran in this country.

Alberta Sequeira

A Spiritual Renewal and all books can be purchased at http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=alberta+sequeira

          

 

 

Journey Through Alcohol Abuse

We are living in a world with Alcohol and Drug Abuse killing our loved ones day after day with no signs of the death rate dropping. Professionals are trying to find out how to get this disease under control.

 Someone Stop No text copy  

My husband, Richard Lopes of North Dighton, Massachusetts was 45 years of age at the time of his death losing everything he loved from years of drinking that trickled-down from one family member to another. I married a shy, loving, funny man who had the education and drive to develop his own television repair shop back in the 1960's to dying at the VA Hospital in Providence, Rhode Island from his young years of drinking. I wrote about our life behind closed doors in Someone Stop This Merry-Go-Round; An Alcoholic Family in Crisis. In the 1960's that is what we did...hide our life with problems that needed professionals to help us. We didn't talk about bad marriages, being an unwed mother, or fighting alcoholism in our families. That's where my mistake came. In the book, I talked openly about my enabling that only brought Richard deeper into his addiction. The problem was handled with fights, abuse from blackouts that forced our two innocent daughters at two and four years of age to live in a very sick, unhealthy home.  

Please, God, Not Two  -- COVER FOR SEQUEL-2 copyTragedy struck twice when I published the sequel, Please, God, Not Two: This Killer Called Alcoholism after losing my daughter, Lori, to cirrhosis of the liver at 39 years of age like her father. It follows her struggle three times, once in the Butler Hospital in Providence, Rhode Island and twice at the Gosnold Detox Center in Falmouth, Massachusetts. In 2006, she died at the Charlton Memorial Hospital in Fall River, MA. I included my talks to addicts at halfway home, rehabs and court-ordered programs in the book. Both were useless deaths when professional help had been available, but that is how this heartless demon works. It takes all strength, happiness and family away from the sick. 

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After their deaths, I wanted to know how other alcoholic and addicts recover and put their lives together while others die from this horrible worldwide disease. What gives them the physical and mental strength to fight this battle and come out winning? I published my Narrative Non-Fiction What is and isn't Working for the Alcoholic and Addict: In Their Own Words from 34 alcoholic and drug users from all walks of life from the US and Canada who contributed their life stories with addiction trying to tell doctors, families, counselors, society and other addicts what they believe worked and didn't in their recoveries. Addicts sharing their experiences, strength, hope with others is something that only a recovering addict or alcoholic can do. It is a unique gift. 

I try to add articles as often as I can on addiction on my other blog at www.albertasequeira.wordpress.com. Hopefully, by the Grace of God, I will help others suffering with the addiction and the family members struggling 24/7 trying to get them to stop. It wasn't until years after their death, and the testimonies from the contributor of this book came out, that I learned as family members we can only love and support the substance abuser, and the alcoholics have to do the work to recover. I lived and breathed believing that it was up to me to help them. All the crying, begging and demanding did nothing, but bring me to a small breakdown trying to control every move of Richard. 

This is a family disease, and until we treat it 100% this way, the death toll will go higher. We can't have alcoholics in AA meetings, non-drinkers in Al-Anon, and the children in Al-A-Teen gatherings to go into separate rooms and not communicate to "each other" what we are feeling and needing to get through the barriers to help the addicted. The addict needs to open up and tell the family member what devastated them during their growing years, whether with the immediate family member, a relative, stranger, insecurities, bullying in schools, being raped, not being able to handle a death, an abortion, and the list can go on with "why" the person turned to drinking and drugs. 

Professionals can keep treating the disease, and passing out pills to relieve their pain, but until a doctor with a degree in mental health can spend months or years with this person suffering, the addict will continue on this path until they die. Putting an addicted person or a mentally ill one, behind doors without constant talks with counseling, is like putting a bandaid on the person needing help. Would you lock someone up with cancer? 

With what is written in What is and isn't Working for the Alcoholic and Addict by the alcoholic and drug users themselves, we need addiction to become a weekly class topic in schools starting at the grammar level to colleges and universities. In my book, two contributors admitted they started at five and seven years old watching their parents. Seeing them fall and acting funny was entertaining to them. One would drink ginger ale and fall down copying the parent. Children are not blind to alcohol and drug abuse. 

I would recommend my books, especially What is and isn't Working for the Alcoholic and Addict, to get into schools as a classroom assignment or homework. It would give the students an excuse to open up about the disease, not having to admit they are struggling with it. Maybe it would make them see they need professional help. I believe this book would be a most helpful addition to the literature on the subject of addiction and recovery. Addicts sharing their experiences, hope and strength with others is something that only a recovering addict or alcoholic can do. It is a unique gift.

All my books in paperback and Kindle can be bought in Amazon by keying my name Alberta Sequeira and they will all show up or key in http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_2?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=alberta+sequeira

Addicts: Should They be Arrested or Brought to Rehab

Don't look back

I saw in The Standard Times newspaper from New Bedford, Massachusetts today and it had an article about a woman who was picked-up for being on drugs. Instead of arresting her, she was brought to a rehab for help. What a wonderful change to see for once. These people are sick with a disease that is killing them.

Would we throw people in jail with cancer? We look at alcoholic and drug addicts as people who don't want to better themselves. So many are affected by a past incident that devastated them, followed the wrong crowd, or may have a heredity inbalance from alcoholism that has gone way back to other generations in their families.

We need to start looking at addiction in a different way. How many of us have lost our loved ones to alcohol and drug addiction and wished we knew the pain and problems they were going through and different ways we could have helped them?

That's why I asked 34 contributors from the United States and Canada to volunteer to write about their life battling addiction. They wanted to help family members, doctors, counselors and society to learn what they need to recover. I asked them 23 questions after losing my husband, Richard and my daughter, Lori, wanting to know why some fight this disease and come out winning when others do not have the strength to recover like my family.

What is and isn't Working for the Alcoholic and Addict: In Their Own Words is for everyone in the family and outside to go inside the mindset of the addicted. It brought tears to me to know how they suffered inside with hopelessness. This is a wonderful and educational book for schools to bring into classrooms for discussions or use as a homework assignment to bring this topic up and face the worldwide problem that is causing so many  people to lose their lives over it. I want to give addicts a voice.

If you want to read how the addict is suffering mentally and physical, than this is a book that is not just for family to see what we are doing wrong but for the professionals to learn how it is more important to find out what happened to alcoholics and drug users in the past to get them to the point of killing themselves more than trying to fight the disease.

The book is in paperback and Kindle. If you find it is impossible for your loved one to listen to you or want help, let the 34 addicts in What is and isn't Working for the Alcoholic and Addict help them. There has to be at least one story that will hit them and say, "That's me."

One contributor wrote: "I was tired of getting sick, my hands shaking, my vision deteriorating, my nose bleeding, my bowels moving sporadically, not sleeping and feeling safe, along with the violence and running from many situations being paranoid to the point of staying home behind closed doors all day."

 

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Order the book at this link http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=alberta+sequeira

Speakers Preparing for a Talk

Magnificat talk, Medway, MA

It's been a long time since I have been asked to talk to the public or behind closed doors to the substance abusers. Even with seven years of doing so with no charge, organizations still claim they can't pay. Then comes my guilt of not doing it because in reality, it is costing me too much money to get prepared to reach out. I feel the loss of so many not being able to benefit from my talks.

I don't think others realize what a speaker has to invest in to help others. We depend on the sales of our books to make up for our time or to repay our publishers back from buying our own books to make available for the location and attendees. Substance abusers can't afford to buy anything except the necessities to live. Speakers like to print out pages and pages of advice or what the topic covered for the day for each individual to take home. We buy books or other items to give out as door prizes. Occationally, doing so is great, but the expenses add up after mulitple times of not getting back money for our "kitty."

I feel like I have so much inside me to share with the wrong choices I had made with losing my husband, Richard, and my daughter, Lori, that I could bust. Experiences are more powerful than the education in text books. People living through the loss and struggles know the emotional and physical pain in doing so. 

My video on my talk with Addiction from the Lakeville Library with Thomas M. Cirignano, author from Lakeville, Massachusetts and radio host, Phil Paleologos from the WBSM Radio Show at 1420am reached both the addicts and their family members. It would be wonderful to do that again. Both Tom and Phil spoke on their fight with addiction, and I gave an hour to how the family feels with not being able to help our loved ones and watching them slowly die from this disease. I also talked how our enabling only brought our situation to abuse. Here is the link 

phil (2)  Tom Cirignano  DSC01153

     Phil Paleologos                         Tom Cirignanao                                     Alberta Sequeira

My video of my talk Feb. 6, 2014. Two other recovering alcoholics and my talk from the family side.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITKuNugjxPA

Our children are looking up to the wrong activities and the persons for what they consider fun to be involved in with their lives. We have to start early for the education. In my book What is and isn't Working for the Alcoholic and Addict: in Their Own Words, addicts are telling their private lives of how they had started with drinking as early as five and seven years old. Our kids are not as blind to what is happening around them as we hope they are. They learn from what they see. They develop their physical and mental lives in what has happened to them in the past.

For what I witnessed with my own family, I realize now that professionals, counselors and doctors have to spend a lot of one on one time with addicts to find out what happened to them in their past, not so much the illness. Forget about letting them out in 10 days. They need deep-rooted counseling for not shorter than 90 days, more if possible, to give the substance abusers trust in their professionals to open up. They need to get the garbage out to heal. The addicts need to stop feeling guilty or ashamed of what happened to them and their reactions to it. A lot can't share with family members. The ones that are trying to reach parents or siblings, have to have 100% attention from us to understand what they are trying to tell us. 

I am not writing this for the purpose of selling my book What is and isn't Working for the Alcoholic and Addict, but to give an inside look to what the substances abusers are feeling and needing from us with their stories. I wanted answers to how and why some substance abusers come out winning with their fight while others die. I knew the only way was to go directly to the problem...the alcoholics and drug users. Parents will see and learn reading their testimonies, along with siblings or anyone connected to the alcoholic or drug addict, that our enabling only brings them deeper into their addiction.

If you have an event and want a quote for an hour talk, please email me at [email protected] 

Order Alberta's books here: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=alberta+sequeira

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ITKuNugjxPA

Petition to Modify The Patient Privacy Act

 

Al & Alberta

My husband Al and I are trying to "Modify" the Patient Privacy Act.

Modify the Patient Privacy Act
Petition by Alberta Sequeira

To be delivered to President Barack Obama

We believe that the substance abuse patient should have the “right to privacy,” but as the law stands now, it can actually be detrimental to their health and well being. Our intent is not so much to change the Patient Privacy Act, as to modify it, especially where it not only pertains to alcohol abuse patients, but also in the case of drug abusers and mental health patients. 
Families of patients are prevented from obtaining access to information that may help them to aid in the recovery of the patient when a physician determines that the patient may be in a life-threatening situation because of their addiction. 

We currently have 31 signatures and need 50. If you believe in our efforts, please go to the link below and sign.

Thank You!

Al/Alberta Sequeira 

https://petitions.moveon.org/sign/modify-the-patient-privacy?source=c.fwd&r_by=3371843

How does Alcohol Abuse Start?

Lori Water Raffing        Please, God, Not Two

I look at this picture of my beautiful daughter, Lori Cahill, and physically ache. How could a child who had everything be taken from me?
Here was a girl that was full of laughter, loved her family, had devoted friends, a son and a daughter who loved her, a good high-positon job, a joy to her parents …and gone from what…drinking, and possibly drugs, and hanging out with the wrong crowd.

My daughter started drinking in her last year of high school, or so I thought. Once she got out of school, she married and had her children. I thought her life was going well after losing her father at seventeen, I had forced her into an abortion at that age, and her friends were running wild with the family not being aware.

Lori never spoke back, entertained her friends at home and I thought all was wonderful. My other daughter, Debbie, had married, had a son and daughter and we were all close.

It wasn’t until Lori turned 37 years old, that all of us discovered she had a problem with drinking. She admitted herself into a substance abuse rehab three times and could not recover from her addiction.

Please, God, Not Two: This Killer Called Alcoholism was written after I lost my husband, Richard Lopes, and the demon returned to take her with him. Sadly, many families are losing their loved ones from addiction. It is such a useless death when there is help for them, but they can’t seem to hold on and desire the recovery. Good, happy, and loving children are dying worldwide from a disease that professionals are trying to find out how to stop this killer.

The gap will never be filled from losing Lori. Her two children still feel the pain along with her sister, who had been left with no other sibling. Lori’s daughter, Meagan, will be getting married December 5th with the emptiness of not having her mom look on with pride. How do we stop this sickness that is taking the lives of wonderful people?

I wrote about my loss in the sequel Please, God, Not Two and added my talks behind closed doors to substance abusers. They need to come out fighting and learn to love themselves again. So many think they are failures. These paths that they go down are not dead ends. They need to turn around and head for a life of happiness.

To start, they need to face their emotional problems and talk about them. That is the only way to heal. Forgive who hurt you and don’t allow them to keep you from being healthy.

Read the sequel and see how our enabling as family members only bring the addict deeper into their addiction.

 Alberta

Go to this link to order all books:

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=alberta+sequeira

What are we doing Wrong?

Alberta at Tony's       alcoholic 

 

 

 

I had watched my husband, Richie and then my daughter, Lori, slowly kill themselves from alcohol abuse. They were put to rest together at the St. Patrick Cemetery in Somerset, Massachusetts from a disease of Alcoholism that is taking to many of our loves ones.

Since their loss, I became a Motivational Speaker on addiction and also the effect of alcoholism on the whole family to the public. My greatest joy is to the direct contact with substance abusers themselves. Why? because they are good people who had just turned to the drinking and taking drugs for the wrong reason. Their reason: to cover their pain from many things that have happened to them in their young lives. Pain that family members don't see, because they hide it so well.

I talk behind closed doors to the addicts and found many reasons for their addiction: parents or relatives who had drank, many who died from their addiction, being abused as a child mentally and physically, hanging out with the wrong friends to fit into the crowd, abortions, feeling no love, being bullied at school, being shy and had the need to be the opposite, lost confidence in themselves, from a death leaving them devastated, coming from low income families feeling no hope, not finding jobs, living in slums, and the reasons could probably cover four more pages.

Those problems with an individual are what causes them to turn inward and hide what they are feeling. I try to explain to them that the healing is talking about the experience that hurts. You can't go forward if you don't get what I call "all the garbage out." You have to learn that you have a right to your feelings whether people understand or not. They are affecting you from living a healthy life. 

I don't believe substance abusers want to live this way. At first, it's all the fun in the world until you realize that you can't stop. Once the demon gets a hold of you, and especially if you don't want to stop, your organs are going to shut down and you will be joining the other addicts who have died from an illness that could be changed.

People, not just substance abusers, have turned away from their faith. God has been taken out of documents, schools, our government, families, our hearts. When you have Him in your heart, you are not alone. He is a loving and merciful God who made us so we would be happy with the life he gave us.

We forget that He has given us "Free Will." You have choices; keep heading down the death path or turn around, no matter how hard it is, and head for recovery. Only you can do it. Family can only support and love you. This is your battle. 

I highly suggest, since the substance abuser has the right to stop family members to go to their counseling from the Patient Privacy Act, to breakdown the walls and include them in your recovery program. Lori used this law to keep us out, and instead, she never got to hear what happened to her as a child that she didn't understand and grew up living in fear. She needed to hear from me, her mother, who lived through the pain also, to help her learn what went wrong. Instead, she decided not to face that fear and died instead of learning why she turned to substance abuse.

My advice to counselors and doctors is to find out why they are drinking more so than the action itself. It's the reasons that are killing them. The addicts need professionals with deep routed education and degrees in Alcoholism to help them. Counselors with no education, but who lived through it, are good at counseling meetings. The physical and mental depression needs to be treated with the professionals. Some don't recover thrown-in with a group in a rehab. Many can't open up in front of others. They need that one on one.

How do I know this? because I saw regular counselors did not help Lori at all. She needed to find someone she trusted and that person needed to know through education on how to reach her and give her the desire to recover. Lori needed one person to feel a connection to and find her way back.

My advice to alcoholics and drug users is to walk away from the friends, who you think are friends, stop going to the same place with the same people, the corner where the drug dealers are, and head for home. Clear you minds so you can think with a healthy mind and recover and turn back to prayer.

Many tell me, I don't know how to say the rosary. That is okay because God knows that and everything else about you. People don't realize that prayer is just talking to God. Start your day, asking him to help you not take that drink, pill or shot. If you slip, at the end of the day thank him for that day even though it was a nightmare. Why? because he is giving you another day to get it right.

Alberta

Parents of the Addicted

We talk about our loved ones who are addicted to alcohol abuse or on drugs. Do we think of the parent's pain in trying to help them as we watch them day in or day out knowing they are heading for being added to the list of persons who had died from alcoholism? Or what about 24/7 with the thoughts trying to know where they are, with whom, what they are doing, if they are sick laying in a corner somewhere, or dying out of sight. Waiting for the knock on the door seeing a police officer facing you.

Yes, parents who have been good to their children, gave them a good home, had a healthy meal on the table, helped them in their school work, saved for their college education, and done everything parents do because we love them and want the best for them, suddenly are faced with the reality that the loved one is hooked on alcohol or drugs. The fear comes from the depth of your soul.  Questions fly with, "How can I help them, why won't they listen, why won't they go for professional help, why do they hang out with these other users," and we come to term that all the threats, enabling or whatever we try to stop the action, does not work.

My daughter, Lori (Lopes) Cahill from North Dighton, Massachusetts died at thirty-nine like she feared; the same way as her father, Richard Lopes, did at forty-five years of age..cirrhosis of the liver in a cold VA Hospital in Providence, Rhode Island. Lori and her sister were by his side when he took his last breath. Lori was seventeen years of age and Debbie was twenty-one when he was taken from us, and Lori's daughter, Meagan, was seventeen sitting by Lori's side watching her being taken off life-support after three weeks of hanging onto hope at the Charlton Memorial Hospital in Fall River, Massachusetts. Read the memoirs of Someone Stop This Merry-Go-Round; An Alcoholic Family in Crisis and its sequel of Lori in Please, God, Not Two: This Killer Called Alcoholism.

When does death stop taking one member at a time from this horrible, worldwide disease? Why aren't professionals able to help the addicted? Why is the number of deaths climbing instead of declining?

We have to learn what the addict needs. I wondered this when I finally lost Lori. Why are the others facing their disease and coming out winning with their battle to survive? That question needed to be answered. How? By going to the substance abuser themselves. Who knows more about their pain and suffering than another addict. Are we not listening to them? Are we waiting too long for the disease to grab onto them and they can't break away from the demon?

I had thirty-five alcoholic and drug user offer to tell their stories, not only to other addicts, but to doctors, counselors, society and family members with our enabling, which only brings them deeper into their addiction. This is a book that helps everyone. Go into the mind-set of the addict and learn what is and isn't working for them. What do they need from us?

Read What is and isn't Working for the Alcoholic and Addict: In Their Own Words and all my other books. Click here http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=alberta+sequeira to purchase the book in paperback or Kindle. Spread the news of this publication. After reading it, set it down on a table for the addict to read without saying a word and let the contributors do the work to connect with them. That is why they told their stories; to save others from the pain of loss with everything in their lives.

This is an educational book that would be an eye-opener in schools. It can become a topic in class or a homework assignment. Many children may be suffering silently not knowing how to talk about their family living in a deep, dark hole or they themselves may be wanting help but not knowing how to ask. Talking about the lives of the contributors may spark life into the students and help them to start opening up without facing a counselor.

It's a  book to help the substance abuser getting help at detox centers, substance abuse rehabilitation locations, court-ordered programs. It helps doctors and councilors look at addiction differently.  If something isn't working, we need to take a step in another direction to helping the addicted.

This is a book for business owners who are having numerous sick days piling up from workers fighting alcohol or drug abuse. Give the book as gift. 

It's a book for family members to read to understand what we are doing wrong. Purchasing this book, gives the addicted a voice, and I hope you help me to accomplish this task.

Alberta 

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