Well, the gubernatorial debate is over. At the last minute I received an invite to attend, but unfortunately I was positioned just off camera all night and was not asked any questions. Actually, I take that back - I was asked one question during a commercial break, but it was just some guy looking for the men's room. I told him it was the second door on the left and that I would appreciate his vote on Nov 7.
I noticed that some of the other candidates have published booklets stating their position on a number of important issues - taxes, education, jobs, those Mass Turnpike Trolls I mentioned in an earlier blog. Healey calls her publication "Tough, Smart Solutions to Change Massachusetts" while Patrick calls his "Moving Massachusetts Forward." I've decided to publish a booklet as well, though I haven't quite decided on a title. So far, I've got: "Masachuset - We're Just East of New York State" or "Masachuset - Feel Free to Turn Right on Red" or "Masachuset - Yes, the Mayflower II is a Replica and Plymouth Rock is Probably Not the Actual One the Pilgrims Stepped on When They Got Off the Boat, But Why Don't You at Least Buy Some Salt Water Taffy for Your Neighbors Back Home Who Have Been Watching Your Dog All Week While You've Been Out Here on Vacation." Meanwhile, a PR firm I've hired has come up with "Strange, Bizarre Decisions to Move Masachuset Back and Forth in a Jerky Fashion." It certainly is a touch decision, but it's my decision and I'm up to the challenge.
I've been out in public shaking hands and passing out miniature golf pencils for my write-in campaign. You may have seen me waving at people at the Airport Rotary in Hyannis, but watching the cars go round and round made me ill so I had to go home and sleep it off. The next day I went down to the Sagamore Rotary to wave at motorists going on and off Cape, but you wouldn't believe it -- somebody stole the rotary! It's gone! When I become Governor I'll assign a task force to look into this missing Sagamore Rotary and make sure it's returned.
Health care is a key concern to Masachuset residents. Costs are skyrocketing -- the cost of medical care, the cost of prescriptions, the cost of insurance premiums, even the cost of parking garages strategically located near the big medical centers in Boston. Let's face, getting sick is darn expensive! So, when I become Governor I'm going to suggest -- no, I'm going to insist -- that everyone take a daily multi-vitamin. That'll keep us all healthy. Heck, those Fred Flintstone chewables are darn tasty! Also, I'm going to insist that people start listening to more Louis Prima music ... if that doesn't put you in good spirits then nothing will.
Until next time, Vote Whig Party! And Let's Keep Turning Right on Red!!
(FYI to those just joining the campaign: Masachuset is the new, shorter spelling of our great state. Oh, by the way, the city of Quincy will now be spelled Quinzy in order to cut down on mispronunciations by those from out of state. Please make a note of it.)