Well, we've had some setbacks. First, I had a campaign rally scheduled for this afternoon - after my day job - but I was running late and missed the whole thing. You see, I was doing this new mail route that I really had never done before and the minutes seemed to tick by like ... like ... well, like half minutes. At one point during the route I grazed a curb and my hubcap came off (which I was able to retrieve -- how humiliating) and another time my car wouldn't restart (at which point I started to whimper a bit ... believe me, it's not pretty when a mailman cries). Anyway, I finally finished the route but by the time I got to the rally it was over. I'm truly sorry, folks. Hope you all enjoyed the nachos and Juicy Juice.
Second, I've been calling Deval Patrick's office trying to get a one-on-one debate scheduled but his campaign keeps giving me the runaround. One time the lady on the other end pretended she was the operator and insisted that I insert another 55 cents to complete the call. I then told her that I was on a cell phone and as far as I could tell there was no place to insert the coins. Another time she pretended that she was a prerecorded message informing me that the number had changed to a new number with a "555" exchange like you always hear on television and in movies, so I knew it wasn't for real. Next time I called she said I was calling a laundromat, then she said I was calling an Irish pub, and then the Boston Bruins locker room (don't get me started on last night's game!). The last time I called she spoke in a made up foreign language - just complete gibberish, not even well done, really pretty bad with a bizarre Australian accent. Anyway, I understand that Kerry Healey is getting the same runaround in her attempts to debate Patrick one-on-one.
Third, I've misplaced my supply of miniature golf pencils. That could cost me some votes.
The good news is that I'm running a solid fifth place in the race, just a few percentage points behind Ross. So, let's keep up the momentum, and tell your friends - republican, democrat, independent, green-rainbow, whatever - to Vote Whig! (By the way, were there any nachos left? I'm starving!)
Jack Sheedy - Whig Candidate