Well, earlier today my appeal for a recount was dismissed (actually, my appeal was totally ignored), so I had no option but to telephone the Patrick campaign and offer my congratulations. Of course, I never got through. This time the woman on the other end told me to push 1 for Spanish language, 2 for Russian, or 3 for French Canadian ... no English option ... so I hung up and decided to send a postcard instead.

The final count: Patrick (D) 56%, Healey (R) 35%, Mihos (I) 7%, Ross (G-R) 2%, Sheedy (W) less than 1% ... although I think the fourth place slot was really too tough to call if you consider hanging chads and absentee ballots.

But I'd say the big shocker of the night was Kennedy winning the Senate race. Now that one really took me by surprise.

Anyway, I wish to thank all those who voted for me, or who thought about voting for me, or who said, "What, are you nuts!" I also wish to thank all my supporters and volunteers, especially my campaign manager, my press relations director, and of course, Mickey, who was instrumental in finding the golf pencils. Mickey disappeared right after the polls closed and hasn't been seen since, although someone matching his description was seen out along the Mass Pike this afternoon supposedly hunting for trolls.

So, now that the campaign is over people have been asking me, "What's next?" Well, I suppose I'll leave public service behind and get back into my private practice -- US mail carrier. The dream of a Whig Party victory was, alas, just a dream. The Democrats now control the House and Senate. Bush is sinking like the Titanic. Rumsfeld has quit rather than answer questions about the war. Biologists have found a dolphin in the Pacific Ocean that's grown legs. The hole in the ozone layer is getting larger by the minute. While scientists claim that in 50 years the earth's average temperature will be too warm to support human life and 200 pound crickets will take over the planet.

But not to worry, astronomers have discovered a rogue comet heading our way, due to collide with earth on June 6, 2026 just before noontime ... so make your lunch plans early.

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