Dog Recall ... and Other Woes

Life these days -- during the early years of the 21st century -- is full of worry and woe and further woe ... and additional worry.

There's the lurking fear of global terrorism, the slithering specter of sub-prime mortgage interest rates, the inconvenient truth of global warming, and the potential pitfall of celebrities that make racial slurs over the airwaves (and then publicly repent ... all in the name of increased ratings).

There's the concerning yet strangely amusing hunting accidents involving US vice presidents, the outrageous and outright grotesque salaries paid to professional athletes, and the twisted and terrifically terrible terror of tainted dog food. Everywhere you turn there are wickedness and evil and not-niceness and vulgarities and gluttony and selfish behavoir and continued crimes against humanity (and now crimes against canines). And that's all before you've had your first cup of coffee in the morning.

My life  must be pretty boring compared with other folks. As far back as I can remember I've never contemplated committing a terrorist act ... I refinanced my mortgage to a fixed rate before the adjustable rate took off ... I haven't had a piece of glacier or polar ice cap conk me off the head or fall on my big toe ... I've never made an insensitive racial slur over the radio ... I've never shot a friend with buckshot in hopes of bagging a quail ... I've never signed a multimillion dollar sports contract, complete with signing bonus ... and I've never put poison or some chemical not approved by the FDA in my dog's food. How utterly boring I am!

Yet, every day nutty people are out there in the world doing their very best to keep things interesting for us "normal" folk ... us normal folk who work all day, and pay our fair share of taxes, and then come home to turn on the evening news for a good laugh.

Think about it. What would we do during the evening news if crazy people weren't out there all day long creating the news for us? What if no one was killed in anger today? Not one murder, not one terrorist act, not one bit of genocide in some backwards third world nation. Then where would we be?

What if wacky Mid-East leaders weren't threatening to enrich uranium? Or weren't holding British soldiers hostage? Or weren't oppressing people in their own country? Or what if religious fundamentalists weren't blowing themselves up on crowded streets? I think you can see how boring the world would quickly become.

Thankfully, there are six billion people in the world. Granted, most of them are normal, hardworking folks like you and me who will never achieve their "fifteen minutes" of world news fame. But consider the small percentage of crazy people who do fill up the news with their daily fits of insanity. We, the television viewers (as well as the companies that advertise on the evening news) are eternally grateful for their wacky contributions. 

Jack Sheedy

PS: In the wake of the recent dog food recall, the Veterinarian General in Washington, DC has issued a mandatory Dog Recall. That's right, a Dog Recall. If you own an Airedale, Beagle, Boston Terrier, Dachshund, German Shepherd, Golden Retriever, Labrador Retriever, Mastiff, Newfoundland, Norwegian Elkhound, Old English Sheepdog, Pekingese, Pug, Scottish Terrier, Shetland Sheepdog, or Yorkshire Terrier you are asked to return your dog to the nearest animal shelter immediately. Thank you for your kind attention.

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