Earlier this week Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad visited New York City.
This visit (which should never have happened - after all, isn't he the leader of one of the two remaining Axis of Evil countries?!) awakened in me the growing concern I have over the infamous apocalyptic Ahmadinejad anagrams. In particular, I'm concerned about the anagram that reveals the message "Jihad daeman" -- the former word meaning "holy war" and the latter being the Early Middle English (12th century, Midland dialect) variation of the word "daemon," which is an early variation of the more contemporary word "demon."
Is Ahmadinejad the Jihad Demon as foretold in the fabled lost Book of Quelps? (To refresh your memory, Quelps Chapter 6, Verse 66 reads: "And the end of the world will be brought about by a man with a nearly unpronounceable name ... and who is badly in need of a shave.")
It has become quite apparent to Quelps scholars, and to laypersons that make a hobby of studying anagrams late at night when they should be in bed fast asleep, that any which way you look at it Ahmadinejad spells trouble. Here are some more examples of anagrams derived from the letters of his name:
a) hand jam idea
b) I had a jam end
c) main had jade
d) jam din ahead
e) I had dean jam
f) in a jaded ham
A recurring theme is the word "jam." The anagram "I had a jam end" is particularly revealing. Will the end of the world come in some sort of jam, jelly, or perhaps a preserve or a marmalade-induced Armageddon? Or will we be done in by an apocalyptic "jaded ham"? (I always thought the swine would get us in the end!)
And what of the two obvious anagrams that are produced by the Iranian leader's first name, Mahmoud:
a) ma do hum
b) a mud ohm
Does the end of the world come when a certain mother hums a tune, thus producing a form of electrical resistance (ohm) while standing in a field of mud? Is this a Quelp-esque way of saying, "It ain't over till the fat lady sings"? Are we to believe that the end of the world has something to do with Islamic opera - perhaps one staged in a muddy setting created by the annual flooding of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers?
So beware of the "jam end" and the "jaded ham" and "ma do hum a mud ohm." And, of course, be on the watch for the "Jihad Daeman." For as the last chapter in the Book of Quelps states: "If I were you I wouldn't order the ham and cheese special, I'd go with the chicken salad ... and why not order a diet iced tea instead of a soft drink - all that sugar will rot your teeth! Infidel!"
Oh, and one more thing: Besides his claim that the Holocaust never happened, Iranian President Ahmadinejad also recently stated that the Red Sox did not win the 2004 World Series, the US Olympic hockey team did not win the gold medal at Lake Placid in 1980, and Ted Williams did not hit .406 back in 1941. Oh, and the sky is not blue, but rather a shade of pale brown approaching beige.