Higher Consciousness

"In Italy, for thirty years under the Borgias, they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love; they had five hundred years of democracy and peace. And what did that produce? The cuckoo clock!"

- From the movie "The Third Man."

{Musical accompaniment: Zither instrumental interlude}

 

In other words...

Friction brings about fruition. Harmony maintains the status quo.

 

Or, in other words...

We can either live the life we wish to live, or else let our lives pass us by.

 

Or, in spiritual terms...

We can either live our lives preparing for an afterlife, or we can live our lives as God would have intended us to live it - full of gusto!

 

Or, in spirituous terms...

We can either add spirits to our daily glass of existence, or else nurse a placebo hoping to trick ourselves into thinking we're getting a good buzz out of life.

 

And that, my friend, is why I'm now wearing suspenders.

"Suspenders?" you ask.

Yup, suspenders. I can't believe I've gone without them for 46 years, 7 months, and 5 days (give or take, with leap years). And now I don't know how I can live without them. A pair of suspenders is, in my opinion, the most amazing thing that God, in His infinite wisdom, placed upon this planet Earth, right up there with the fax machine, the tubeless tire, and latex paint. Dungarees that have drooped on me for years are now being given a new lease on life. I feel uplifted! Enlightened! As if raised to a higher consciousness!

But enough about suspenders. Let's get back to the meaning of our lives. Well, the meaning of my life, at least. After all, this is my blog.

I had a wonderful English teacher back in high school. Although I didn't do so hot in her class I got enough out of the course to know that writing was something I wanted to do. So, I joined the school literary club, which placed me in touch with like-minded students with views on life, the universe, God, and where that weekend's party should be held. Sure, it was more of a social club than a literary club, but it was a great bohemian experience during an impressionable time.

Now 30 years removed from the classroom, I estimate that over that time I have written something approaching one million words (with newspaper and magazine articles, and with books, and with blogs, and with short stories, and with a 600-page double-spaced novel that was rejected by thirty different publishers, and with weekly shopping lists). That comes to 33,333 words per year, or, on average, about 91 words per day  ... give or take, with leap years.

And, after another few decades of writing, when pages and pages and pages of my stuff occupy boxes on top of boxes on top of boxes in my cellar, both published and unpublished, and when my time in this particular three-dimensional universe has expired, it will be the job of a cleaning crew to haul the stuff off to the local transfer station, which will then hand it over to an interstellar disposal company, perhaps something like Rapid Rocket Refuse, Incorporated. In turn, R.R.R., Inc. will then blast my stuff away into space with all the other household trash (since by then all our landfills here on earth will be full).

And in that sense, my written words will travel off into the cosmos for all of eternity - immortal, infinite, toward a higher consciousness, toward God perhaps - along with fast food wrappers, orange rinds, and spent coffee grinds.

But enough of all that higher consciousness crap. Let's get back to the subject of my new suspenders...

Jack Sheedy

P.S.: This concludes Part 1 in a two-part series of semi-spiritual suspender blogs. In the second installment, I will not only prove that God exists, but that He currently resides in Cleveland, Ohio.

P.P.S.: I am currently at work on a Gospel-inspired musical entitled Judas Iscariot Superstar - I figure every argument has two sides. In this version, Judas is the one who is crucified, Jesus is the one who betrays him, and Mary Magdalene is a single mother who works behind the counter of a Jerusalem bakery serving Dead Sea Scones.

P.P.P.S: After a decade of making highly involved mathematical calculations during my spare time, I have finally finished a theorem that proves the existence of God. The key variable in the equation is the number of grains of sand on all the beaches around the world, which I determined as (X-1)2 where X is a whole number greater than 100 yet just shy of infinity. Interestingly, the formula also proves the existence of Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and Leprechauns.

 

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