Let's Play The Feud! [Sports]

Family Feud Looking For Local Families

Working for Cape Cod Today generally keeps me busy enough to avoid the Classified ads, but every now and then, one crosses my desk that simply can... not... be ignored. This was one of them:

Now Casting for Family Feud in Connecticut!

Date: 2012-03-16, 3:24PM EDT
Reply to: see below [Errors when replying to ads?]
Got a family with tons of energy and enthusiasm? Ever dream of being on a game show with your family? Does possibly winning $100,000 and a new car appeal to you? Family Feud will be holding a casting call in Mashantucket, CT on Saturday and Sunday, March 31st and April 1st.

This is your once-in-a-lifetime chance to be on the long-running game show hosted by Steve Harvey!!!

If your family is interested in having a great time auditioning for the show, email us at [email protected]

For more information regarding auditions, please visit us at www.familytryouts.com.


Now, you probably already know that I'm working on a plan for this. The Monponsett Family would most likely be the staff of the Sports Desk.

Our lineup would look like:

A) The Colonel

B) Stacey

C) Abdullah

D) Stephen

E) I'm tempted to plug Gabrielle into the Anchorman spot, but we'd probably want someone who is out of middle school. We'd most likely just haul Ellen back from Dartmouth.

If she demurred, I'd be very tempted to get this mammoth coke dealer named Big L who I know. Stephen actually suggested "Me, Big L, and three Asian children" as a potential faux family. "I'd offer to sell the children to Steve Harvey when we lost," says our hero. I think Big L may be a guest of Barnstable County atm, however... prolly a good thing.

We'd be a good mix. Stephen can do voices, which we'd find a use for. Stacey could answer everything in French. We could have the Colonel scream all of his answers in a R. Lee Ermey/Boot Camp manner. Abdullah's "I'm a bookmaker" answer to Steve Harvey's small talk questioning would only be surpassed by Stephen's "I collect money from Abdullah's less willing clients."

I don't like our odds of winning. Stacey is intelligent enough, but French people tend to answer Top 100 Persons Surveyed-type questions poorly... unless the survey subjects are also pampered French soccer moms. Stephen, Abdullah, and the Colonel would probably add up to a decent IQ, but each would be a moron standing alone. Each would also be a very real threat to physically attack people in the audience who laughed at any stupid answers they gave.

We'd be very dependent on Ellen, and relying on the Ivy League is why America is so fuc*ed up these days. No, I think that the Monponsett Family would suffer a terrific, backbreaking loss... even to some trailer park family.

Knowing that, we'd probably just aim to make a memorable appearance.

Even that might be tough. I see two problems. One, I can't imagine that they don't get families at the tryouts who are there just to try to be goofy on TV. In fact, now that I think of it, every family on that show that I can recall is wildly enthusiastic. They'd want that, rather than amateurs trying to be funny. They'd probably have us marked 100 miles and running.

Also, Steve Harvey is pretty funny. I can't see us being able to stay in character with him looking at/goofing on us. We'd fall apart like a Korean car. None of us is close to professional.

Either way, you can pretty much count on some form of the Monponsett Family operating in Mashantucket on March 31st. An April 1st tryout would probably be more apt, but- again- they'd see us coming.


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