Red Sox Take Game One

Game 2 Tonight, 7:30 PM, Fenway Pahhhhhk......

The Boston Red Sox started the World Series in fine form last night, kicking the spit out of the St. Louis Cardinals to the tune of 8-1. This gives Boston a 1-0 lead in the 7 game series that decides the championship of US baseball.

The Sox got going early, following a bizarre, near-criminal play in the first inning. Big Papi was up, with men on first and second. Papi (his real/given name no longer exists to me) hit a double play ball, but the relay was muffed by Pete Kozma. Despite the fact that he never came close to catching the throw for the relay, the runner at 2nd base was called out.

Those of us who are old or bitter enough remembered the non-tag Chuck Knoblauch put on a runner one of those years when the Yankees beat us. "Here we go again," I thought, in that manner of thinking that people who rooted for the Red Sox during their great Drought still fall into.

However, the call was reversed, and it was 5-0 in the favor of the Sox before the second inning was over.

The Cardinals, who have been in big games before, made several costly errors. Adam Wainwright and his battery-mate Yadier Molina had a hilarious husband-and-wife play where a pop fly dropped between them about 5 yards from home plate. It was funny enough that even they laughed, although there was no joy in Mudville after the runs started to pile up.

Big Papi (I would vote him for Governor over any of the candidates right now) had a home run and 3 RBIs. Mike Napoli had 3 RBIs, and cowed the Cardinals with his General Longstreet beard.

A good beard is important, as it:

- hides emotion/pain

- is viewed as a symbol of machismo by the Latino players

- is subconsciously unsettling to the black players, who genetically imprint "overseer" onto people with beards like the one Napoli has

- can save the mandible from fractures if a pitch hits it (I should probably try to grow one if I'm going to be making Overseer jokes)

- can be used to store extra bats/gloves/bases

- if the Sox get in a jam and need an extra batter, Napoli can shave his beard (his facial hair can only be cut with an adamantium razor), throw on a different jersey, pretend to be a bench player, and enter back into the game.... although I should add that there is a strong chance of a Samson-like loss of power if the beard is removed.

- inspires legends that can be used to intimidate opponents. Check out Nap's resume, which includes "started shaving when he was 10."

The Sox and the Redbirds lock up again tonight. John Lackey (10-15, 3.52 ERA) steps up onto the hill for Boston, while the Cardinals send up Mike "Wacha Wacha" Wacha (going for a Fozzy Bear laugh, sorry). The game starts at 7:30 PM, is televised on Fox, and is broadcast locally on 95.1 WXTK-FM.

Things look very good for Boston right now, although they make the series go 7 games for a reason. However, the Cape Cod Sports Desk knows nothing of fear, and we fully expect a parade in November. If you need something ominous to worry about, and many Red Sox fans prefer it that way.... know that Game 7, if necessary, is on Halloween.

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