"Minion Report" from the "Innkeepers" of the Bourne Police

More ill-advised behavior grows occupancy at the Inn

We are truly coming to love the periodic "Minion Reports" from the Bourne Police Department.  What a splendid way to engage the public while getting a message out.  Here's the latest report from the seaside "Inn":

Good morning from the frozen tundra, also known as Cape Cod. I want to apologize right off the bat. Mel left the freezer door open again and that’s why it’s so cold around here. It’s been a bit since we checked in with the inter-webs favorite inn keepers at the brick B&B but we’re back. Ralph Waldo Minion was supposed to be keeping things up and running while I stepped out for a holiday break but like the saying goes, you can lead a minion to the typewriter, but you can’t make him type.

Without further ado, let’s break out the ole inn register and see who’s checked in since the start of 2017. The mobile inn-keepers have handled 500 various calls for service over that time. These calls for service included 39 different investigated incidents, thirteen examples of cars going bump in the night, and 65 different times that written reminders of the rules of the road were issued. Included among those 500 calls were also assisting sixteen new or returning guests with check-in here at the inn for all reasons. One of our first guests of the New Year was anxious to take part in the famous rain check system which is popular in these parts. The guest, when located by our mobile minions simply presented his rain check for a past indiscretion and was escorted to his reserved suite at the inn. This program has been so popular throughout the years that we had several other guests this past week check-in this week in a similar fashion in order to secure one of our quaint cinder block suites. Earlier in the week we checked in a young lady who stopped at a local gas station to make a purchase. The clerk became suspicious when she came back inside the third time to purchase the same item after talking with her friends in the car. What really raised an eyebrow was the fact no one else was in the car. When the minion on patrol arrived, this young lady became quite agitated and yelled her way into a room for the night for causing a raucous. Several days later, she presented her rain check at the inn. It seems she never made it for her appointment at the district facility.

It never ceases to amaze us at the things you see while operating one of our mobile prowl cars on the highways and byways of our little town. Earlier this week the mobile minions were traveling along one of our major thoroughfares round about the witching hour when they observed a vehicle ahead of them in the opposite lane of travel. The problem arose because the vehicle in question was going the same way as they were. They were able to quickly stop the vehicle and check on the driver who appeared under the weather. After some discussion with the young lady and a brief roadside quiz concerning driving ability, it was determined she may be under the influence of a cornucopia of prescription skittles. Both she and her vehicle were promptly removed from the field of play and she was benched at the inn for the duration. Another chap, of allegedly similar under the weather status after dipping into Friar Tuck’s mead, failed to negotiate a twist in the road while examining his mobile device and came to rest against one of those tall wooden things with all the wires hanging from it. This fellow however, thought discretion was the better part of valor, and being close to home, decided he should abandon his trusty stead before the minions showed up. Although he had a head start, he didn’t get very far. That might have been partially helped by the freshly fallen snow and the trailed he blazed through it. He was provided courtesy transportation to the inn for his troubles along with the customary photo shoot and finger painting session.

The guest of the week shout out goes to the fellow who is alleged to have absconded with some ill-gotten goods. He is alleged to have entered into the space of another, after breaking a few things to gain access, and sneaking off with the loot. The mistake he made was shoveling a path in the snow from his room to the before mentioned space of another. He was lodged in the Barney Fife suite until his appointment at the district facility at the next sitting.

The weather here in the northeast is expected to warm up over the next few days but don’t be duped. The winter chill will be back before you know it. It’s just the way it is on this roller coaster we call winter. Have a great week.


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