The President's Speech

Recently, this column was divided into News and Sports sections. However, this left us in a quandry regarding Entertainment.

My girlfriend and I don't like the same movies, and few movies are compelling enough that I'd sit in a dark room with Stephen or the Colonel and eat $9 pails of popcorn for them. Stacey avoids movies, claiming that her English is a half-second behind the rest of the country. It's easier for me to just buy a large monitor and YouTube (v.) movies I wish to see.

However, I'm not 100% culturally illiterate. I try to keep in touch with Hollywood. I know who Brad Pitt is both married to and who he used to be married to. I can name several Black Eyed Peas. I know that Five For Fighting isn't a hockey rule. What's more, I'm hip to potential new releases coming to a theater near you.

I thought you might like this one, which stars George Bush, Sir Michael Tyson, and a cast of dozens.

Sure, my sense of humor is about 3-5 years off... but that film looks like a winner.

I could easily see it winning 6-16 Oscars and ending both Asian wars we're in. Hollywood needs Mike Tyson, and George Bush seems to have finally found a job he's good at. The President's Speech could restore his soiled reputation.

Also, either Bush or Tyson would be a 100% surefire lock to present the greatest Awards Ceremony Acceptance Speech in US History, especially if you got one/both of them to do a bunch of coke or booze before the show.

They'd have to work quite a bit to top the Ol' Dirty Bastard, who wowed the crowd at the Grammys with this classic:

"Ol' Dirty Bastard" isn't a demeaning term. Quite to the contrary, actually. It honestly means, and I quote, that "there's no father to his style."

Note that, in unrelated news, there is a "Foodraiser" for the Ma Otis Pantry hosted by Sheriff Jim Cummings. This event will provide food for the kids of GIs, and is being held 5-7 pm March 9 at the Cape Codder Hyannis.

We're not fans of Cummings atm, but we'll plug a good charity all the time.

For more info about the fundraiser, contact my φßλο Solon, at [email protected]. You can write to me at [email protected], but I've already told you all that I know. welcomes thoughtful comments and the varied opinions of our readers. We are in no way obligated to post or allow comments that our moderators deem inappropriate. We reserve the right to delete comments we perceive as profane, vulgar, threatening, offensive, racially-biased, homophobic, slanderous, hateful or just plain rude. Commenters may not attack or insult other commenters, readers or writers. Commenters who persist in posting inappropriate comments will be banned from commenting on