The President's Speech

Recently, this column was divided into News and Sports sections. However, this left us in a quandry regarding Entertainment.

My girlfriend and I don't like the same movies, and few movies are compelling enough that I'd sit in a dark room with Stephen or the Colonel and eat $9 pails of popcorn for them. Stacey avoids movies, claiming that her English is a half-second behind the rest of the country. It's easier for me to just buy a large monitor and YouTube (v.) movies I wish to see.

However, I'm not 100% culturally illiterate. I try to keep in touch with Hollywood. I know who Brad Pitt is both married to and who he used to be married to. I can name several Black Eyed Peas. I know that Five For Fighting isn't a hockey rule. What's more, I'm hip to potential new releases coming to a theater near you.

I thought you might like this one, which stars George Bush, Sir Michael Tyson, and a cast of dozens.

Sure, my sense of humor is about 3-5 years off... but that film looks like a winner.

I could easily see it winning 6-16 Oscars and ending both Asian wars we're in. Hollywood needs Mike Tyson, and George Bush seems to have finally found a job he's good at. The President's Speech could restore his soiled reputation.

Also, either Bush or Tyson would be a 100% surefire lock to present the greatest Awards Ceremony Acceptance Speech in US History, especially if you got one/both of them to do a bunch of coke or booze before the show.

They'd have to work quite a bit to top the Ol' Dirty Bastard, who wowed the crowd at the Grammys with this classic:

"Ol' Dirty Bastard" isn't a demeaning term. Quite to the contrary, actually. It honestly means, and I quote, that "there's no father to his style."

Note that, in unrelated news, there is a "Foodraiser" for the Ma Otis Pantry hosted by Sheriff Jim Cummings. This event will provide food for the kids of GIs, and is being held 5-7 pm March 9 at the Cape Codder Hyannis.

We're not fans of Cummings atm, but we'll plug a good charity all the time.

For more info about the fundraiser, contact my φßλο Solon, at [email protected]. You can write to me at [email protected], but I've already told you all that I know.

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