It takes a tragedy or a life hanging on the line for some to look up to Heaven and pray to God. We want what we want NOW and in our time and way. When we don’t get our prays answered right away or our way, we think that there can’t be a God. He’s the one who answers in His time and way, not ours.
Yes, I was one of them, way back in 1998 taking my trip to Medjugorje in Bosnia with a stranger. I had walked away from the Church, when I had a small breakdown at a Mass. I went down the aisle for Communion and felt all sweaty, had weak and shaky knees, my hands shook, and my heart raced in my chest. I didn’t think I’d make it up to the priest to receive, but I did. After taking the Host, I ran back to my seat, got my two young daughters, and ran out of church. I didn’t go back until fifteen years late.
I blamed God for my breakdown that left me frightened to death to go into a closed area again after the episode. It took years to realize that I had pushed my mind and body beyond what it could take with trying to keep my marriage together and our family, putting up with an alcoholic husband’s behavior.
My enabling brought him deeper into his addiction going into blackouts. We lost Richard, and twenty years later, I watched one of my daughters die from the same disease of cirrhosis of the liver from drinking. They were buried together.
It wasn’t until my trip to Medjugorje in Bosnia, watching four out of six visionaries having apparitions with the Blessed Mother, and miracles she showed me with this pilgrimage, that I realized that it’s us that move away from God. He stays at our door waiting for us to unlock it, and allow him into our hearts. It’s God who waits for us to realize that He is all loving and merciful. He made each and everyone of us because He wanted to share His love with us.
Why we lose loved ones, make the wrong mistakes, choose the wrong person, go with the wrong crowd, we will never know. Maybe when God calls us home, we will understand His actions.
I wrote about my pain losing my father, Brigadier General, Albert L. Gramm, Sr., from cancer at eighty years old in A Spiritual Renewal; A Journey to Medjugorje. His death brought me back to God after seeing what my father believed in while dying. His faith reached my heart, and I unlocked the door.
I talk about the miracles that brought me to this holy land in my book. I call Medjugorje “A Sampler of Heaven.” God has a path for us to travel down, and if we do open our hearts, we let Him lead us there.
Our Lady says she calls each person to Medjugorje herself. She has a reason, which I didn’t come to know until years later. I became a speaker and author from my pain. That’s what Mary wanted me to do. I reach out to substance abusers, their families and the public to do God’s work to try and help the ones lost. I tell them what I had done wrong with trying to help my husband and daughter. All my actions brought them deeper into their habits. My books are more than memoirs. Their books of lessons.
Read about our lives in all my books at www.amazon.com/author/albertasequeira. I love reviews and emails.