Apply Directly to Forehead

Well, the supplement Blogitor 2000 I've been using to improve my focus on blog writing has not been working (see my earlier entry). My latest attempt at a blog eventually morphed into a shopping list ... oh yeah, we need some milk, better write that down before I forget ... one gallon of skim milk. An earlier blog attempt on the space-time continuum put me into a deep sleep, which is usually not a good sign (i.e. see my Revisiting the Ring der Nibelung blog from September).

So this morning, first thing, I headed out for my daily swim at Cold Storage Beach, figuring a couple of laps might trigger a thought or two. Boy, they don't call it Cold Storage for nothing. Brrrr! Anyway, nothing of note came to me ... except a small case of hypothermia.

Out on the mail route today I almost had a thought, although I quickly discovered it's not a good idea to be driving a mail truck while looking at the mail and while eyeballing mailboxes and while trying to formulate a blog all at the same time. Something's gotta give, and very soon you find yourself driving up on somebody's front lawn ... which is always embarrassing.

So I decided to try a new direction. I saw an ad on TV last night promoting a new product - BlogOn. Perhaps you've seen the ad, too. The ad tells you to "Apply directly to forehead ... Apply directly to forehead ... Apply directly to forehead ... Apply directly to forehead ... Apply directly to forehead." It never tells you, though, exactly what will happen if and when you do, in fact, apply BlogOn directly to your forehead. But I must admit, whenever I hear somebody tell me to do something six or eight times in a row, and so emphatically, I just can't seem to help myself. So, after work I ran right down to the corner druggist and purchased some BlogOn. The package came without any instruction on how to use it, whether it should be taken orally or ... or taken otherwise ... but just in the nick of time I remembered the TV ad! "Apply directly to forehead ... Apply directly to forehead." Perhaps they really mean it - perhaps they honestly want us to apply this medicine directly to forehead. It only makes sense, after all that's where all my best thoughts come from ... well, some of them at least.

After dinner I applied BlogOn directly to my forehead. At first I felt a little tingling. Then I was visited by a sudden rush of random thought: energy = mass times the speed of light squared; the rational value of pi = 3.14159265...7; the largest finite number is infinity minus one; Route 3 merging into one lane just before the Sagamore Bridge will cause a 3.2-mile backup on any given Saturday morning during the month of July.

Then I began to clearly remember things from out of my past, such as answers to calculus exams I took during my freshman year of college, license plate numbers of cars I passed on my last trip out to Indiana, all the Vice Presidents in reverse order from Cheney to Adams, where I lost my car keys back in 1980 after that J. Geils concert at the Coliseum, etc.

Finally I got the germ of a blog idea. It began to grow, slowly, slowly, so I applied some more BlogOn directly to my forehead. The idea began to take shape, sprouting, developing, evolving, and then ... and then ... and then it was gone.

Oh well, I'll try another swim tomorrow morning. If that doesn't work, then I'll simply blog my shopping list. Oh yeah, that reminds me ... toothpaste, we need toothpaste.

Jack Sheedy

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