NFL Week 2 Predictions
9/18 1:00 ET At New Orleans -6.5 Chicago 47.5
Good morning, America, how are you? OK, Arlo Guthrie probably wasn't that into football, but the song I paraphrase involves a train ride from Chicago to New Orleans.
While I'm not a big Bears fan, I have Jay Cutler, Matt Forte and the Bears D/ST on my fantasy team. Tough week for that, yes.
New Orleans, 28-17
9/18 1:00 ET At Detroit -8 Kansas City 45
Detroit was a laughingstock for most of my life, and that 8 point spread just screams They Ain't All That Yet!
9/18 1:00 ET At NY Jets -9 Jacksonville 39.5
I still think that they will be the Los Angeles Jaguars in a year or so, so they'll soon forget about this loss in Florida.
9/18 1:00 ET At Buffalo -4 Oakland 42.5
A lot of people were fooled by Buffy's destruction of Kansas City, but your intrepid columnist isn't one of them. They're Buffalo for a reason, and that reason will become apparent this afternoon at some point.
9/18 1:00 ET At Washington -3.5 Arizona 44
When you're placing your bets this weekend, look really hard at the $50 bill you're handing over for this game. Get to know and love that bill. Then, ask yourself if you really, really want to gamble your little green friend on a team led by Rex Grossman.
9/18 1:00 ET Baltimore -6 At Tennessee 38
Baltimore seems to gave found an offense after all these years, and- if they put 35 up on the Steelers- they may push 50 against the Tenny Tights.
9/18 1:00 ET At Pittsburgh -14 Seattle 40
Pitt got wiped out last week, and you know the coach was just chewing ass all week at practice.
9/18 1:00 ET Green Bay -10 At Carolina 45.5
Super Bowl champion vs. the worst team in the 2010 NFL.
Green Bay, 31-14
9/18 1:00 ET At Minnesota -2 Tampa Bay 41.5
Maybe the Red Sox getting smacked up by the Rays has recalibrated my betting radar or something, but I'm going against the favorite yet again.
9/18 1:00 ET Cleveland -2 At Indianapolis 39.5
Watching Indy lose would be more fun if Peyton Manning was leading the team instead of the guy they signed off the street a month ago. Watching Cleveland lose is more fun if they lose to the team with the QB signed off the street a month agao.
9/18 4:05 ET Dallas -3 At San Francisco 42
I can see why Jessica Simpson rid herself of that Tony Romo clown. I bet that, during sex, he'd get her close to a climax.. but then like slip out or something and start talking to her.
9/18 4:15 ET Houston -3 At Miami 48
I can see why Kim Kardashian rid herself of that Reggie Bush clown. I bet that, during sex, he'd pull a hamstring or something.
9/18 4:15 ET At New England -7 San Diego 53.5
That was a fun game to watch last week, but I saw a lot of ugly things that will hurt us this week as we play a team with a more talented quarterback. Ignore who I bet to win, and just focus on that over-under. This will be a shootout unless the Patriots get smacked in the face early and curl up to die.
9/18 4:15 ET At Denver -3.5 Cincinnati 40
I don't know who wins this game, so I'll gamble on them not being able to reach that modest 40 point over/under.
9/18 8:25 ET Philadelphia -2.5 At Atlanta 49.5
If God were a bull terrier, Michael Vick would get his stupid dog-fighting head knocked off in this game. However, God isn't a dog.
9/19 8:35 ET At NY Giants -6.5 St. Louis 44
i'm telling ya, the Giants aren't that bad. I'll keep saying that until all of the New York tourists leave Cape Cod, at which point I'll start making fun of the younger Manning brother again.
Tampa Bay 4, Red Sox 3
Egad... The Sox can't win two games in a row. Even when I see it coming, the September Swoon is like a kick in the proverbial nuts.
Jon Lester (15-8, 3.15) failed to handle the Tampa Bay Rays yesterday, and the Sox lost a full game off their lead in the wild card race (and, as the New York Yankees won, they lost a game on the AL East pennant race.
Have no fear, as Tim Wakefield goes for his second win in 2 months today. He opposes David Price at 1 PM or so, on NESN and 96.3-FM. I'm a pretty crazed Boston fan, but I may skip this game and watch the PM NFL game if they feature someone from my fantasy team.
High School Football Results
Dighton-Rehoboth 21, Apponequet 7
Dighton Rehoboth should disguise themselves as Rehoboth-Dighton and sneak up on next week's opponent. Adam Benvie scored 3 touchdowns for DR, who scored the last 21 points of the game.
Abington 51, Archbishop Williams 32
Abington must be Protestant or something. The Archies should do penance for this loss.
Hingham 14, Cohasset 10
I'd better run the pro games today, because I'm 1-2 in high school games so far.
Middleborough 20, Coyle & Cassidy 7
I swear to God that this school was spelled "Middleboro" for most of my life.
Nantucket 35, Britol-Plymouth 14
After BP's "Put the word 'Plymouth' in the school name, but have the field be in Taunton and our opponents will be 20 miles east and forfeit the game" strategy fell through, they got their ass handed to them. Taylor Hughes tallied up 3 touchdowns for ACK.
#18 New Bedford 40, Silver Lake 20
I dated a girl from Silver Lake once. She was so mean, she started screaming at me in Disneyland about something. Mickey Mouse tried to calm her down, and she hit him.
St. Mary's 44, Martha's Vineyard 22
Mary scored on the first play of the game from scrimmage, and that was pretty much that for MV.
Southeastern 16, West Bridgewater 6
This game had a "south," an "east, and a "West" in the title, and historical-minded people know that Brockton used to be North Bridgewater.